


Road Gig

by seidou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, One Night Stands, Slow Build, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:45:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seidou/pseuds/seidou
Summary: "The main problem with not thinking about his sexual experiences is that they never come back to haunt him, which is technically a positive, until it really does come back to bite him and he has no idea what to do."One nights stands don't ever go well, especially when you wished it had never happened in the first place. Tsukishima Kei wishes he hadn't slept with a stranger, but more so wishes his friends would stop trying to set him up with said stranger.





	1. The Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> OK so i have a bit of a confession...this isn't what i said i was working on when i finished [FF&C](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7853245/chapters/17931517) this is actually something that i wrote about 2 chapters for in about 4 days...so forgive me but i want the one I'm working on to be what i envisioned in my head.
> 
> I wasn't even sure if i wanted to wait and post this after the story I've been working on for a while but i had most of it in place anyways.
> 
> Also i have chapter 2 ready but i want to wait until I finish chapter 3 to post it! it should maybe be done soon.
> 
> (the title btw is another phrase meaning "one night stand" (according to thesaurus.com))

Kei wakes up with a headache, which is perfectly reasonable for having been drunk off his ass the previous night. He also wakes up to the sound of a muffled curse and the shuffling of fabric. 

"Shit." The voice says. Kei doesn't want to open his eyes, instead he mumbles out some incoherent bullshit. 

"Please go back to sleep." The voice whispers in a pleading voice. Kei almost takes the bait, but instead is compelled to open his eyes.

Ok, maybe opening his eyes wasn't the best idea. It hurts his head even more, the sunlight coming through his window makes his brain feel like it's about to pop. He blinks a couple times before grabbing his glasses off his nightstand and being brought into reality. 

Standing in front of his bed, is a man. 

Well maybe not a man per say, he looks really young, but his body type and height would suggest he's about Kei's age. Kei can’t see the man's face, but he has clusters of freckles so dark that Kei can see them from here. The man has shoulder length hair that's in a very loose half up-half down style. 

Kei kicks the covers off him and grabs his boxers from the edge of the bed. Slipping them on, he tries to act like he remembers what happened last night. 

Pieces come through, scorching heat and nails running down his back, this man must have been a part of that. Kei walks over to the man, who is shorter then him by a couple centimeters, and asks him what he is looking for. 

"My fucking shirt!" The man says, exasperated. He runs a hand through his long hair and pulls the ponytail holder out. 

"What did it look like?" Kei asks, he can feel the thickness and gravelly texture of his voice. The stranger tells him it's pink before getting on the ground and looking under his bed. 

Kei proceeds to, sleepily, rummage through his closet before throwing his favorite pink strawberry shirt at the stranger's head. 

"I can't take this," the stranger protests before trying to hand the shirt back to him "this isn't my shirt."

" 'S fine. Don't worry about it." Kei really doesn't want to deal with this right now. He already slept with this man, and if he wants to find the shirt he can, their university is small enough. 

The stranger slips the shirt over his head, it's a little long, if only because Kei has to shop in the "Big and Tall" section due to his abnormally long torso. The stranger grabs a hat from by the door, it's a jean material, before stepping out. 

Kei promptly heads back to bed. 

~~~

It's much latter in the afternoon when Kei wakes up, this time waking up to the sounds of a pot being dropped in the kitchen, along with a loud curse. 

His headache is mostly gone, still a bit annoying, Kei grabs some pajama pants out of the dirty clothes hamper and slips them on. He walks out into the hallway, and then into the kitchen.

"Kuroo, if you could pretty please shut the hell up, that would be lovely." Kei grabs a sports drink out of the fridge and chugs about half in one go.

"Don't you 'Kuroo' me!" Kuroo snaps, picking up the pot from the floor. 

Kuroo had invited Kei to live with him and his boyfriend when Kei started college, Kuroo had been a close friend for most of high school, despite being two years older. Kuroo had mostly invited him as an incentive to come to the same college instead of doing abroad studying. Kei hated the idea of a dorm.

Kei raised an eyebrow at Kuroo, taking another massive swig of his drink. 

"You have sex with some guy at my party, which wasn't a quiet endeavor mind you, and then you don't apologize!?" Kuroo looks at Kei likes he wants Kei to apologize. Kei does not. 

"I thought that it would be excellent payback for all the times you and Kozume have sex on the couch I bought. You know I'm sick of having to Febreze the smell of cum off the sofa." Kei delivers his comeback with the same amount of wit he always does, which is a lot. 

"Tsukki, that's completely uncalled for. Me and Kenna haven't fucked on the couch in like two weeks." Kuroo goes back to making...whatever it is he's trying to make, and Kei trots out of the kitchen. 

"I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about our sexual life with Kei, Kuro." Kenma mutters from the barstool. Kei didn't initially notice him sitting there with his laptop, but Kozume has always been good at staying on the down low. 

Kei checks his phone, which surprisingly didn't get stolen last night while at least a dozen people were in their small apartment. He has some missed calls from his lab partner, who is probably the stupidest person to make it into advanced chemistry, and calls him back.

"You better have a very good reason for not being here Tsukishima." The menace barks at him through the phone. King Kageyama really isn't helping his headache. 

"I fucked a stranger and have a headache," Kei says matter of factly "that good enough for yah?" 

"I already know about the fucking part. What I wanna know is why you're so intent of having me fail this class!" Kageyama continues to berate him through the phone. 

"I'm not even gonna ask about how you know about my unfortunate sexual encounters, what I want to know is how you're so stupid you couldn't figure out this week's homework." Kei deadpans, chugs the rest of his sports drink before setting it down on the coffee table littered with a bunch of solo cups. 

~~~

Kei doesn't think about King Kageyama's comment, not until Tuesday when he has the class. While it's true that Kageyama is dumb, he's only here on a sports scholarship, Kageyama can get a hold of some gossip. It's probably his equally as stupid boyfriend. 

"Why did you fuck Yams?" Kageyama is drinking out of a sports bottle, Kei knows from experience it's chocolate milk. 

"Who?" Kei asks in a bored tone. He really doesn't want to think about what happened on Friday night. 

"Yams? Yamaguchi?" Kageyama jots down a few more formulas from his book. 

"Never heard of him." Kei gets out his own book, opening it to the page they're supposed to be writing the notes to.

"Well he sucked your dick, so you must know him to a certain extent." Kageyama looks up at Kei, Kei can feel his cheeks heating up despite himself. 

"Can you not say that while we're in a lab? Please and thank you." Kei breaks eye contact he wasn't aware he'd made, trying his best to get his hands to stop shaking. 

"I'm just asking why you had to have a one night stand with Yams of all people," Kageyama continues even though he was asked to stop, typical "he's like the nicest person ever." 

Kei looks at the top of Kageyama's head, giving it a knowing look.

"Also I have to be the one that hears about how much of an asshole you are. Doesn't Hinata think I know that already?" Kageyama finishes and Kei snorts. 

~~~

Kei doesn't typically like to think too much about his sexual experiences. They mostly happen when he's drunk, or if they don't they're very bad. Once he did it with a girl, and he'll be the first to tell you that that's never happening again.

The main problem with not thinking about his sexual experiences is that they never come back to haunt him, which is technically a positive, until it really does come back to bite him and he has no idea what to do. 

Hinata Shouyou is probably the smallest, loudest, most annoying person Kei has ever come into contact with. Kei wishes with every fabric of his being that he could undo ever meeting him, or at least undo him getting his phone number. 

"Tsukki!" Hinata likes to call Kei at ass o'clock in the morning. Kei checks his bedside clock and sees that it says 4:02 am, this kid must never sleep. 

"What could you possibly want at 4 am Hinata." Kei tries to sound imposing, but it isn't really working due to his groggy nature. 

"You know Yamaguchi right?" Hinata's voice sounds extra squeaky over the phone. 

"Why does everyone keep asking me about this guy?" Kei borderline whines into the phone. Kei doesn't want to interact with this guy, he doesn't want to hear about him, he doesn't want to be asked about him. He's been told at least 15 times by Kageyama that this guy's sucked his dick (among other sexual acts performed that night, none of which Kei cares to go over), but aside from that he knows nothing about this guy. 

"Because you fucked him? Because he really, truly, honestly liked you and you fucked him while drunk off your ass, don't remember a thing, and expect him to move on with his life?" Hinata says the news like he's reading off his grocery list, Kei rolls his eyes. 

"I expect him to move on with his life like any self respecting adult, you don't have a one night stand and then fall in love. That's just not how those things work." Kei picks at his fingernails. 

"Well he really likes you and I think you should talk these things over..." Hinata starts, but is promptly cut off by Kei.

"Absolutely not." Kei states definitively. 

"Tsukki, I really really think that..." 

"I said no, I'm not talking to this guy. Tell him to get a life and start liking people that want something to do with him." Kei says before hanging up the phone. 

~~~

Most problems go away with time. 

Unfortunately when those problems get Hinata Shouyou involved, they don't. 

"Tsukki!" Hinata is waving his arms like a lunatic outside his and Kageyama's lab for chemistry.

"Go away." Kei starts to walk away, Hinata jumps in front of him.

"No! Not until you come with me!" Hinata has his arms out like a basketball player trying to block someone. 

"I said no, I don't want to meet this guy." Kei shoots him an icy glare. 

"You already had him on your dick, what's the big deal?" Kageyama interjects, like his fucking opinion is needed. 

"Besides, even if you don't end up liking Yams, you can always be friends!" Hinata perks up, standing tall and erect. 

"I've already met all the people I will ever need to, but thanks." Kei says, pushing past Hinata. 

"I have a feeling that 'thanks' wasn't sincere." Kei can hear Kageyama informing his boyfriend of the news as he walks away. 

~~~

"I don't see why you just won't have coffee with the guy." Kuroo asks as he gives Kei is helping of pasta. "There really is no harm in it, if you don't like the guy it can totally end there." 

"Because I don't want to have coffee with this guy?" Kei says as he twirls some linguini on his fork. 

"Is it because he, apparently, genuinely has feelings for you?" Kenma inquiries from his spot beside Kei. 

"Why would that be the reason?" Kei asks, but is completely bullshitting. 

"Well you've always been one for self deprecating thoughts." Is all Kenma says before checking his phone. 

"Kenma, I said no phones while we're at dinner." Kuroo snatches the touchscreen away from Kenma's grasp. Kenma pulls a face. 

"Is it really dinner if Kei's here?" Kenma asks earnestly. 

~~~~

Kei thanks the heavens every day for the fact he only has to work with Kageyama on Tuesday's and Thursday's. Unless of course Kageyama insists Kei help him with something, unfortunately this Monday is one of those days. 

"You know this is due tomorrow right?" Kei says as he bounces his pencil up and down on his notebook. 

"Yes! Of course I know that! Why else would I invite you to my dorm at 11 o'clock at night?" Kageyama gets defensive, Kei rolls his eyes. 

"You're on question 2, Kageyama." Kei hopes his tone is giving off the amount of done he is with this situation. 

"Yes! Yes, I know!" Kageyama continues to become more stressed, his eyes are unfocused on problem 2.

Suddenly Kageyama's phone begins to ring. He looks at the I.D. and immediately picks up.

"Hello?" His gruff voice takes a softer attitude, Kei groans. Kageyama gives him a death stare. 

"He's here, helping me with chemistry," Kageyama spares a glance at Kei, "he sucks at it though." Kageyama makes a face and Kei flips him off. 

"Hinata wants to talk to you." Kageyama thrusts the phone in Kei's hands, not waiting for a response on whether he was going to actually talk.

Against his better judgment he begins to speak.

"What do you want?" Kei hopes his voice is gruff, it may drive Hinata away. 

"Tsukki! Just the man I wanted to see!" Hinata talks very lively at every opportunity, Kei kind of loathes him for it.

"Tsukki, you know how you said you would talk to Yams..."

"No." Kei interjects, but Hinata continues to talk anyway.

"...how you would totally talk to Yams? Well guess what, I have the perfect opportunity for you." Hinata obviously can't listen as well as he can yap.

"I said no, what part of 'no' don't you wingnuts understand?" Kei is getting agitated, he won't let it show on his face, but the pinpricks of the unpleasant emotion eat at his edges.

"Tsukki, just give it a chance." Hinata sounds tired, for once in his annoying existence. "I just want my friend to be happy. You just want to be left alone, I get it." 

"Why don't we come to an agreement?" Kei interrupts, as much as he hates the idea of having to have lunch with this guy, he hates this guilt tripping nonsense more. 

~~~

It's decided that on Wednesday, the day Kei gets out of class at 12 and this Yamaguchi guy has no class, they will meet at a cafe three blocks from campus. 

Kei's walk is brisk with the October air, he feels the start of fall coming even when the first day has long past. 

He walks into the cafe and immediately takes his jacket off. Scanning the room, he sees the familiar denim hat atop the shoulder length brown hair. Yamaguchi is turned away from him, he walks over to the table and sits himself down without much formality.

"Hello..." the guy isn't looking at him, instead finding his latte much more interesting, Kei crosses his ankles and gives his own curt "hello" in response. 

"Look..." the guy looks up, looks like he's about to throw up, a face of pure dread. At least Kei can now see the guy’s face. 

Kei's already seen this guy, granted it was with a hangover and he was half asleep, but he can definitely say drunk him didn't do bad on finding an attractive partner for his one night stand. The guy has boyish charm, it looks like he's grown out his hair to take away from that, make him look more mature. In Kei's book it only suits to amplify that, framing his round face with a mess of brown hair. His huge cowlick in the front only helps. He has large brown eyes, and tons and tons of freckles dusting his face.

Not bad, drunk Kei.

"La-look..." the guy starts over, Kei realizes he's been staring, glosses over the fact by making a noncommittal noise, prodding the guy to hurry up. 

"I know you don't want to be here, but I'm really glad you showed up." Yamaguchi's words come out a bit rushed, not too much that you can't understand if you were listening however. Yamaguchi looks at Kei and gives a bright smile. Kei grunts.

"Not like I would have had much a choice anyways." Kei says and takes a sip of water, it's all he'll be ordering today.

Yamaguchi chuckles, "yeah, Shouyou can be a bit of pest if he wants something," Yamaguchi looks off into a pocket of space beside Kei's head, "or if his friends do." 

"I don't really understand why you want to talk to me so much, I'm not that interesting." Kei says, it's mostly true, Kei has never really gotten why he has any friends. He can't really fathom why someone would like him earnestly.

"Well, I just wanted to uh..." the guy trails off, brushing his finger against his cheek. "I wanted to make sure we were on good terms." 

"I didn't know your name until a couple of weeks ago. We were on no terms until today." Kei doesn't want this formality, doesn't want someone to say "hey I hope we can talk!", he definitely doesn't want this guy getting all flustered over him either.

"Well Tsukki, it's just..." Yamaguchi begins to twirl his hair, "it's just important to me that we straighten things out." 

"Alright, tell me what you want to sort out." Kei looks at Yamaguchi, the same way he looks at people when he's analyzing them and waiting for their next move. However now, Kei is simply looking that way to make this guy nervous. 

"I just uh...I think that....it's just kinda..." the guy starts and stops his sentence a couple more times, before sighing and taking a long sip of his latte. 

"Uh huh. Riveting conversation." Kei's snarky attitude will hopefully move the conversation into an area he can handle.

"Look...I just want to talk. About anything really." Yamaguchi wipes his mouth with his napkin and huffs. Kei leans closer.

"My names Tsukishima Kei, I'm on my second year of college and I'm an aspiring civil engineer major, I live with my dumbass roommate and his boyfriend, and I regret sleeping with you." 

The guy gulps before speaking, "my names Yamaguchi Tadashi, I'm in community college until next year, I want to be a teacher, I live at home, same."


	2. Push and Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei feels like he did something wrong, isn't sure what. For the time being he’ll shrug it off and pretend nothing is wrong. 
> 
> That usually works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This actually is coming along a lot quicker then i thought! Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has commented on/kudo-ed/read the first chapter! it means the world!

There are certain things Kei regrets about meeting Yamaguchi. One of which is how he is now following him out of the cafe.

The lunch had gone fine, one might even call it great. Kei's going to call it fine though. They talked for a little bit, Kei is grateful that Yamaguchi seemingly dropped the conversation topic of "we slept together so let's try and work things out", now they're just talking. He even ate a sandwich there, not to slow things down or have more time, just because he was hungry.

Kei thought that he would just have the lunch and Yamaguchi would satisfied, find out he's a dick and be scared off, or at least not want to spend more time with him. 

"You have an apartment Tsukki? That's so cool!" Yamaguchi wears a leather jacket, Kei's point still stands that this guy is trying to look older. 

"It's not really anything special." Kei's answers have been very short the entire time, he doesn't know why he's trying anymore though, Yamaguchi always comes up with something whether or not his answers are short. Kei could give a haiku and Yamaguchi would give War and Peace.

"No, it's plenty cool, Tsukki. I wish I didn't live with my folks, it's kind of weird." Yamaguchi scrunches his face at his words. 

"What's with that face?" Kei chuckles a little, he looks so young, a total 180 from Kei's very defined cheekbones. 

"Well I have four siblings and three of them are younger and still live with us." Yamaguchi's hand brushes Kei's, both their hands immediately fly into their pockets. 

"I have a brother, he's older and was out of the house by my first year of high school." Kei's words are more muddled than usual, he feels like there is sand in his mouth. His hands become sweaty in his jacket pocket. 

"Awe, Tsukki you're so lucky!" Yamaguchi's entire face lights up, like the prospect of having a house free of siblings makes him elated. It leaves a bad taste in Kei's mouth. 

"Not really." Is all Kei says before the campus comes into view and Yamaguchi gasps. 

"I love the architecture here!" Yamaguchi runs ahead. Kei keeps his usual walking speed. 

"It's like most larger colleges. There are some different styled buildings on other areas of campus." Kei informs at the stoplight. Yamaguchi had told him that he had lived in a more rural area until his second year of high school, then could only afford to do a community college transfer in the larger area of the city they were in. 

"That's so cool! I never really wanted to go to this school, all the friends I've made go here though, maybe I'll reconsider." Yamaguchi muses as they get pushed into the throngs of people going through the stoplight. Kei really hopes he isn't counting him as a friend. 

"This wasn't my first choice either, my roommate convinced to me come here with cheap rent." Yamaguchi snickers at that, Kei rolls his eyes.

"I should really think about where I'm going to live when I pick a college, if I come here I can stay with Shouyou’s family, but I wouldn't want to be a burden." Yamaguchi says listlessly. 

"I think Hinata's family would be more of a hindrance to you, you seem too calm for that kind of obnoxious excitement." Kei snorts, Yamaguchi looks at him with stars in his eyes.

Not only is this guy super easy to read, he might just be easy in general if this not really a compliment made him so happy. Kei feels inadequate for a moment, lets the thought of inadequacy pass as soon as it comes.

"Hey, can we go to the quad? I've always wanted to see it." Yamaguchi tugs at Kei's sweater sleeve, Kei looks at the connection with disdain. 

"You're not in any position to ask me favors, besides it's open to the public. Go by yourself." Kei turns his nose, both metaphorically and literally, to the suggestion. 

"Tsukki..." Yamaguchi tugs harder at Kei's sweater, Kei tugs back. 

It isn't until a large guy knocks into Yamaguchi that Kei realizes they're still in the middle of the sidewalk. Kei sighs, resigned to the situation. 

"Fine, it's not that interesting though." 

~~~

The Quad, like Kei said, is not very interesting. Especially in the middle of October, when there are very few outdoor clubs or frisbee players milling about. 

Yamaguchi however, is probably going to explode from excitement.

"Tsukki! Look!" Yamaguchi pulls at Kei's sleeve, Kei pulls away but Yamaguchi puts in more of an effort to keep Kei's sleeve in his hand. 

"That's a kite being flown, yes." Kei looks at the colorful red kite, being flown in the foreground of a very dingy and grey sky. Kei feels like this a metaphor for something.

"It's so cool, I live in a neighborhood full of old people, so no one is really outside very much." Yamaguchi puts his hand back in his own personal bubble and Kei thanks the heavens. 

"How old are your siblings, shouldn't they be doing stuff?" Kei leans back on the bench, kicking out his long legs until they reach the pavement. 

"Sheesh Tsukki," Yamaguchi outright giggles, "they aren't young. My youngest sibling is 13." 

"Well that's still young enough to not be completely jaded to the point of not going outside. They shouldn't be at that level of cynical yet." Kei looks out of the corner of his eyes at Yamaguchi leaning back, feels their arms touching and represses a shudder. 

"Well Tsukki, she's a lot like you!" Yamaguchi turns to look Kei in the eyes, Kei turns away.

"You don't know me." Is all Kei says before Yamaguchi is laughing.

"Well, maybe not," Yamaguchi says after his laughing fit is complete. "But I would love to get to know you."

~~~

Arriving back home Kei is exhausted, he stayed out with Yamaguchi not much not longer than necessary, which is good. +1 for Team Kei. 

"How was your date?" Kuroo must be asking for a fight.

"I wasn't a date, we got lunch and walked around." Kei realizes only after he's said this that it sounds exactly like a textbook date.

"Uh huh. Well when are you bringing 'not a date' to meet the in-laws eh?" Kuroo is sitting on the couch, his nasty bare feet on Kei's freshly dusted coffee table. 

"Never, because I'm never seeing him again." Kei toes his shoes off, putting them on the shoe rack. 

"Oh don't be so negative Tsukki!" Kuroo changes the channel to some other volleyball match he pays way too much money to get in the sports package, and Kei promptly exits stage left to his room.

~~~

Yet again it is ass o'clock and Hinata Shouyou’s name is illuminating Kei's phone screen.

"If you call me one more time..." Kei's threat is cut off by sobs on the other line. 

"Yams c'mon don't cry..." comes from the background and there is more wailing on the foreground. Kei takes the phone away from his ear.

"Yamaguchi put Hinata on the phone." Kei says, he doesn't have the heart to just hang up. 

(Ok he totally does, but that's only happened when the one girl he's slept with called him in the middle of a lecture to whine about how much he'd broke her heart. This is why he doesn't deal with females or their anatomy anymore.)

"Mmk Tsukki." Yamaguchi sniffles, there is some scratchy sounds before Hinata is back on the line.

"Sorry Tsukishima, Yams is being very emotional right now." 

"I went out with him, we talked, what the fuck is he sniffling about?" Kei tries, and fails, to keep the edge out of his voice.

"He's just upset that you won't ever talk to him again. He knows you didn't do it because you wanted to, and he's just emotional right now." Hinata explains. Kei judges not only Yamaguchi but also himself for Hinata of all people to be the voice of reason.

"I mean, I'm not going to feign interest, and it's not like even I can do anything about how I feel. That's just that and it's something he'll learn to deal with." Kei almost regrets being so harsh, especially when Yamaguchi goes back to wailing in the background.

"Can you not say that shit while you're on speaker?" Hinata reprimands, Kei rolls his eyes.

"Like I can just inherently know when I'm on speakerphone," Kei rolls his eyes again, "look it's like 2 am, on a Thursday, I have class at 8 and I'd like to go to sleep." 

"Ok Tsukki..." Hinata stalls, for once letting him out of the confines of conversation with him. "Just make sure you text Yams, I'll send you his contact." 

"No promises." Kei says before hanging up. 

~~~

The next morning he wakes up, and feels like absolute shit. 

He'd gone to sleep immediately after hanging up with Hinata, but the not continual sleep pattern made him very groggy on the morning. 

He never checks his phone first thing in the morning, he's never had someone text him first thing either. 

From: [UNKNOWN]

Subject: Good Morning!

_Good morning! Sorry for causing you so much trouble last night ((´д｀)) I promise it won't happen again!_

To: Yamaguchi 

Subject:Re: Good Morning! 

_Good morning, you caused me trouble, but I bet that will happen again._

~~~

Texting Yamaguchi is kind of like texting a 12 year old girl. There are frequent pop ups of only a couple of words, he uses elaborate emoticons more often than not, and it's entertaining in its own meaningless way. 

~~~

From: Yamaguchi 

Subject: I saw a bird :0

_Tsukki guess what!! I saw a bird on the way to my car a couple minutes ago! It was blue!! What kind do you think it was???_

To: Yamaguchi 

Subject:Re: I saw a bird :0

_I don't know much about birds, you should ask a bird specialist._

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: I saw a bird :0

_A bird specialist?! Are you sure those exist???_

To: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: I saw a bird :0

_Yes those exist. Also I’m in class so if you could not._

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: I saw a bird :0

_Sorry Tsukki!! Ye i have to drive anyways.(ಡ艸ಡ) see you in a little bit! ヾ(＾-＾)ノ_

~~~

 

“I’m heading out.” Kei says to an apartment that is more of a barren wasteland. Kuroo and Kozume have gone out for the night, on a date or to a hotel where they can fuck on all the couches they want, who knows really. 

Kei walks down a couple blocks, straight into the downtown area. He’s not going on a date, as much as Kuroo had insisted it was one, he’s actually going with a group of people. 

Kuroo can suck it. 

Kei is, unsurprisingly, the last one to make it to the karaoke bar. Karaoke wasn't his idea, he was actually very much opposed to the idea of singing with large groups of people, it was Hinata’s. When Hinata has an idea, it's basically made into law the very next second. Kei may call Kageyama “King”, but it's obvious who the real king is. 

“Tsukki! You’re late!” Hinata screeches from his position at mic with Yachi, the booming sound goes through the small room they're in. 

“Yes, yes I know. Sue me why don't you.” Kei takes off his jacket and throws it on the chair with all the rest of them. Yamaguchi scoots over and makes room for Kei at his side, Kei takes the seat directly across from him. 

“Tsukishima! It’s been a while.” Yachi takes the seat beside Yamaguchi, Yamaguchi is still pouting at Kei from his spot. 

“It has, Yachi. How's college treating you.” Kei takes a couple cheese fries from the large platter they must have ordered. 

“Oh, it’s great! I love almost everything about it! I’ve been working on my anxiety a lot and can get through lectures a lot better than in high school!” Yachi smiles at Kei and grabs a couple fries from the pile. She definitely seems a lot more laid back than in high school. 

Kei had gone to highschool with Hinata and Yachi, Yachi had even been in his class both second and third year, he enjoyed Yachi’s company a lot more than Hinata’s. 

“YamaYama! Come over and sing with me!” Hinata said as he selected a song. Kageyama groaned. 

“Kageyama, you did agree to come here . You should at least sing one song.” Yamaguchi was on his phone, smiling down at it. Kei wonders briefly who it could be.

“King, you aren't that whipped that you would just agree to come with no intention of singing? Are you?” Kei mocks and Kageyama (in true idiot fashion) takes the bait and marches up to the stand. 

Kageyama is actually...a good singer. Kei is pretty blown away by the raw talent he possesses, even with his awkward stage presence. Yachi even claps when they're done. 

“I’m kind of disgusted by how talented you are at things.” Yamaguchi shares while they take a break from singing. 

“Well, Kageyama make be a genius and naturally gifted at some things, but it balanced out by the fact that he’s horrible at everything else.” Hinata sips his soda, almost choking on the straw when Kageyama hits him in the back of the head. 

“Dumbass! I am good at a lot of things!” Kageyama blatantly lies with a red face.

“What about soccer?” Hinata prods after his quick recovery. Kei can already see them getting kicked out of the karaoke bar

“I...I can't use my hands...” Kageyama sputters through his response.

“Uh huh. What about history?” Hinata continues, the countdown for getting kicked out is soon to end. 

“Why should I care about what a bunch of old dudes did a hundred million years ago?” Kageyama asks in all seriousness, Yamaguchi begins to laugh. 

“What about sex?” Hinata smirks and Kageyama goes red in the face, before shouting profanities and trying to pop Hinata’s head off. 

About 10 minutes of that, and they are asked to leave. 

~~~

“That’s way more than I ever needed to know about their sex lives.” Yamaguchi waves goodbye at Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi. Kei turns around without the formality. 

“To be honest, I expected as much from the King.” Kei says as they walk along the sidewalk. 

“You thought he’d be bad at sex?” Yamaguchi ask as they stand in front of his white sedan. 

“Ew, don't make it sound like I go out of my way to think about that,” Kei pulls a face, “it’s heavily implied from Shrimpy’s words. I've heard more about that freaky dou then I ever cared to know.”

“Do you want a ride to your apartment?” Yamaguchi unlocks his small car. 

Kei’s entire being is screaming “no”, but for some reason his body is nodding his head, and then climbing in Yamaguchi’s car. 

~~~

Kei doesn't own a car, almost everything he needs is a walk from his central apartment. He has a license, and will drive Kuroo’s car to places a bit out of his way, like his mother's house or that one time had to take Hinata to the emergency room, but he doesn't ever think of himself as a good enough driver.

Yamaguchi is a brilliant driver.

He makes no harsh turns and presses the pedals with just the right amount of pressure, there is nothing harsh about Yamaguchi’s driving. Unlike his, where Hinata’s constant throwing up that made the need arise for urgent care was made far worse. 

Kei’s apartment was only about five blocks away, the drive only took about 3 minutes, even with the heavy traffic of the night. Yamaguchi parks the car and Kei makes to get out. 

“Thanks.” Kei tries his best to smile, Yamaguchi returns with a bright “welcome!”, and that should be the end of that. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Kei’s mood curdles.

“If it’s not Tsukki!” the booming voice comes from the door of his apartment building, Kei turns around to see Bokuto waving his hands like a madman at the door.

“Dude, check it! Tsukki’s home!” Bokuto jumps over to the car and nearly throws his head into the ajar passenger door. 

“Dude, that’s so cool.” Kuroo comes from the apartment building, sauntering over to the car, probably in search of how to make Kei’s life the absolute worst. 

“You wanna come in, stranger?” Bokuto asks, Kei feels his world shatter.

~~~

“You must be Yamaguchi?” Kuroo makes tea for everyone, Yamaguchi gingerly takes his mug and nods his head. 

“Well, it’s refreshing to see Tsukki out with a fine young gentleman, instead of just sleeping around.” Bokuto nods at his own statement, neither Kei nor Yamaguchi have the heart to tell him that’s how they practically met. 

“I’m so terribly sorry, but Idiot 2, why are you here.” Kei asks as he takes a sip of his tea, it’s too hot and he sets it down. 

“Well! I’m so glad you asked Tsukki!” Bokuto nearly shouts, Kei feels his resolve crumble. “Me and Akaashi are staying at you guy’s place!” 

“Why?” Kei gives a side glance in Kuroo’s direction, Kuroo just shrugs. 

“Well, Akaashi wanted to come see some art stuff in the area, and I don't have work for the next three days, so viola! We’re here!” Bokuto cheers and almost spills his tea.

“Like the world’s worst magician, truly.” Kei states, picking his mug back up. 

~~~

“I’m sorry about them.” Kei says as he stands semi-awkwardly outside of his apartment's front door. Yamaguchi is shifting from foot to foot in front of him. 

“It’s alright.” Is all Yamaguchi says before waving and walking away. Kei feels like he did something wrong, isn't sure what. For the time being he’ll shrug it off and pretend nothing is wrong. 

That usually works. 

~~~

From: Yamaguchi 

Subject: Sweet Dreams! 

_I just got home. I’m going to study before heading to bed. Have nice dreams Tsukki!_

To:Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: Sweet Dreams!

_Have a nice night, Yamaguchi. I will see you soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and such are appreciated <3
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running away from his problems has never been something that Kei thought of himself to do.
> 
> Yet here he is, running, running, running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh I've been writing this story so much, i just cant help myself!
> 
> this is probably my favorite chapter I've written so far (and im up to like...a little ways through 5)
> 
> chapter 4 should probably be up in a couple days..depends on if chapter 5 gets written at the same speed the rest of them have
> 
> this chapter features art galleries!

From: Yamaguchi

Subject: Awake Sleepyhead! 

_Tsukki! Good mornin! It’s gonna rain today so bring an umbrella!_

Kei stares blankly at his phone before turning it on silent and turning over in his bed.

Kei rolls out of bed about 10 minutes later, grabbing his glasses and hearing the boisterous energy coming from his kitchen. It was only about 7 am, but Bokuto always was an early riser.

“Hey! Tsukki, what is up?” Bokuto says as he eats some pancakes, Kei nods at him and grabs a couple pancakes for himself before sitting down beside Akaashi on the couch.

“Good morning, Tsukishima.” Akaashi greets politely, after swallowing his own pancakes.

Kei likes Akaashi, he's calm and can call Bokuo out on his bullshit without him getting as dejected as usual. He also doesn't call him Tsukki.

“It’s going to rain today, bring an umbrella.” Akaashi says as he gets up to clean his and Bokuto’s plate.

“I know.” Kei says without thinking too much, he blanches when Akaashi gives him a confused look.

“You just woke up.” Akaashi says from the kitchen. Kei’s apartment isn't large by any means, can barely comfortably fit the three that live here, so he can hear Akaashi very clearly without much raising of thier voices.

“I...I know.” Is all Kei says, Akaashi comes back and sits beside him.

“So who told you at 6:50 in the morning there would be rain.” Akaashi asks with a glint in his eyes.

Kei doesn't know Akaashi all that well, but he does know that Akaashi is more or less playing around with him. Akaashi is usually very calm and collected, but he can have quite the attitude and deal out some pretty snide remarks once in awhile.

“His boyfriend,” Bokuto turns around in the barstool and wiggles his eyebrows. Akaashi looks at Bokuto and then back at Kei with wide eyes.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Kei responds a little too rushed, hopefully it wasn't noticeable.

“He totally is,” Kuroo comes out of the bathroom, scratching his stomach, “You’ve gone on two dates in the span of like a week.”

“First of all, you overgrown weed, they were not dates.” Kei snaps his head in Kuroo’s direction, borderline growls the words at him.

“Now Tsukki,” Kuroo puts his hands up “no need to get hostile.”

Kei huffs and sinks into the sofa, there’s really no need to get defensive and hostile, he just feels defensive and hostile today.

Kei eats the rest of his breakfast in silence, glowering at the space above the TV.

~~~

From: Yamaguchi

Subject: Tsukki Tsukki TSUKKI

_Tsukki come down to the library! (* >ω<) _

To: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: Tsukki Tsukki TSUKKI

_How about no?_

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re:Tsukki Tsukki TSUKKI

_Pretty please Tsukki! ヾ(｀・ω・´)ノ_

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: Tsukki Tsukki TSUKKI

_Don’t forget I know where you live! ლ(ﾟдﾟლ)_

To: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: Tsukki Tsukki TSUKKI

_Please don't come to my house._

~~~

Kei finds himself running to the library in the rain about 15 minutes later, only here because his apartment now houses crazy people. They’re all intent on making Kei’s life miserable, he’s sure of it.

“Tsukki!” Hinata whisper shouts from their table in the far corner, there’s virtually no one here. Not many people had midterms and most of those are over anyways. Kei walks over and immediately notices a lack of Kageyama.

“King too high and mighty to show up, eh?” Kei smirks and sets down his bag, he sits the seat across from Hinata, right of Yamaguchi.

“Good morning, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi greets, Kei looks at the clips pinning his bangs back. Yamaguchi reaches up and touches them.

“What’s so great about it?” Kei retorts, Hinata snorts from across the table.

“Could you really have picked anything else to show how much of a brooding high schooler you still are?” Hinata crosses his arms and Yamaguchi laughs from beside him.

“At least my IQ is greater than that of a high schooler’s.” Kei responds, not missing a beat.

“Yeah, but we’re at the same college, what does that say about you?” Hinata responds a tad slower. It would be a good comeback, if that comeback wasn't the one he used for literally every remark Kei made about his intelligence.

Kei rolls his eyes before taking out his planner, placing some more tests and projects into thier official dates, he feels a pair of eyes watching his every move.

“What do you want, Yamaguchi?”  Kei looks up a he says it, almost instantly locks eyes with the deep brown of Yamaguchi’s own.

“Nothing, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi won't seem to move, still having a borderline staring contest with Kei.

“It doesn't seem like nothing.” Kei raises an eyebrow.

“Let me whisper it to you.” Yamaguchi pulls at Kei’s sleeve forcefully, catching him off guard and bringing his ear almost directly to Yamaguchi’s mouth.

“I think...” Yamaguchi audibly gulps “that you have really, really pretty eyes.”

Yamaguchi lets go of his hold on Kei’s shirt sleeve, doesn't move his mouth from right by Kei’s ear. He’s breathing hot and gross, Kei scrunches up his nose at the heavy sound and sensation it’s giving him.

Of course Kei hasn't made any moves either, still glued to his spot, leaned uncomfortably against the wooden armrest that’s digging into his side. Kei doesn't notice he has closed his eyes, tight and wrinkled, until Yamaguchi is pulling away-going back to his own work-and he’s left the only one in the moment.

Hinata is giving him a shit eating grin, Kei chooses to ignore it in favor of going back to his planner.

~~~

Kageyama and his high and mighty self show up about 30 minutes later, bringing everyone coffee.

“Thanks Kageyama!” Hinata smiles and Kei knows that getting coffee in the rain was worth it to Kageyama now.

Kei wonders sometimes if he’ll be able to find someone that is to him what Hinata is to Kageyama. He unconsciously looks over to Yamaguchi from over his travel coffee mug, lingers for a few seconds and turns away, absolutely red faced.

“Might wanna take your jacket off, Tsukki. You look to be getting hot.” Yamaguchi says innocently a he sets down his drink.

~~~

Kei lays in bed, it’s 11:30 on a Saturday and he can’t sleep.

Kuroo and Bokuto have gone to a party that one of Bokuto’s friends is hosting, while Kenma and Akaashi watch a game show on the TV. Kei would probably join them-or at least be studying-but instead is subject to annoying, annoying thoughts racing in his head.

Of course Yamaguchi would be the person he thinks of in that role. There are ton of very objective and factual notions that support that line of thinking. For starters, they’ve already slept together. Kei has never been one to confuse romantic and sexual attraction, but they are very closely linked. If you have one form of attraction to someone, 9 times out of 10 you will have the other one eventually.

Kei can’t really seem to pinpoint when he thought of Yamaguchi as more than someone he fucked that one time, to his knowledge the first, and only, time had been at the library. So what sparked that?

He also has other factors, like the knowledge that Yamaguchi is attractive. Kei isn’t going to lie to himself about that, Yamaguchi is attractive to him. He has pretty much all the opposite facial features of Kei, which has always been something Kei finds appealing. He has freckles, which add a level of interest to his face that Kei enjoys.

Kei, at the end of the day, can really only chalk it up to his wondering of romantic feelings toward another, being as strong as what Hinata and Kageyama have, and throwing those feelings at the most readily available person. Who, in this case, is Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi likes him wholeheartedly, and he’s basically ready whenever Kei needs him. An easy target to attach feelings onto when his heart chooses so.

Kei somehow leaves the conversation with himself more confused, and with even less of an understanding of the situation.

~~~

From: Yamaguchi

Subject: No more rain!

_Tsukki there won't be any rain today! It’ll be brisk so bring a sweater! (~￣ ³￣ )~_

~~~

Today was the last day Bokuto and Akaashi would be at the apartment, Bokuto was making a big deal about it, but Kei can almost guarantee they’ll be back within a month.

“Tsukki...I want you to know...I’ll miss you” Bokuto continued to act too dramatic for the situation, patting Kei’s shoulder and keeping a fist over his heart.

“Bokuto, you're going to your apartment 25 minutes away, not dying.” Kei shrugs Bokuto’s hand off his shoulder, turning back to his applesauce. Bokuto looks wounded.

“Bokuto-san, if you could make a suggestion,” Akaashi says from his spot across the counter, “how about save the dramatics for when we’re about to leave?”

“You’re so right, Akaashi!” Bokuto booms, before laughing way too loudly.

Akaashi gives Kei a sympathetic look, Kei doesn't know how Akaashi lives with this.

~~~

Kei has a perfectly good reason for bringing Yamaguchi to the art gallery. He just didn’t want to be the awkward fifth wheel. Not that he’s awkward.

“This is cool, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi picks up a pamphlet from the front desk after they’re left alone, Kei sees Kuroo wink as he and Kenma walk away. The bastard.

“It’s alright, the area has a lot better art museums. Akaashi has just seen all those too many times.” Kei leans over Yamaguchi’s shoulder to look at the exhibits in season.

“I don’t go to art museums much, it’s nice of you to invite me!” Yamaguchi pockets the pamphlet,  Kei turns his attention to the French Art display.

“It’s no big deal, not like I could bring anyone else.” Kei explains, pointing to the French Art exhibit. The two make their way over.

“Still, I don’t ever have much reason to be over in the downtown area. It’s so pretty though, I wish I did.” Yamaguchi stops in front of the first painting, Kei can’t tell what it’s suppose to mean, he might ask Akaashi.

“You must not get out much, if you think that this dumpy area is pretty.” Kei shuffles over to the next painting, Yamaguchi stays at the first.

“Awe, come on. It’s really pretty Tsukki. Not often do you see an underground art museum, like this one.” Yamaguchi deems himself satisfied with the viewing of the painting, moves on to stand beside Kei.

“There are so many beautiful places, it seems weird to think of the downtown area as anywhere close to that level.” Kei turns his head to face Yamaguchi, he’s much closer than he thought, Kei’s nose almost touches his hair.

Yamaguchi thinks on Kei’s statement, before saying “you know Tsukki, just because something is better then the thing you have doesn't make what you have not great.”

Kei is taken aback for a long second at Yamaguchi's statement. He’d always thought there was no point to trying your hardest or using your abilities, not when someone would always be better than you. Yamaguchi obviously thought different.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Is all he can really manage to say, he’s not sure how he would voice the thought he can’t even think.

“Sorry, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi looks at Kei and smiles, it’s almost blinding.

~~~

“French art is kinda boring, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi says a couple paintings down.

“If French art isn’t riveting I don’t know what else you’d expect.” Kei and Yamaguchi haven’t said much the last three paintings, more mumbles and pointing.

“I like modern art just a bit more.” Yamaguchi takes his hands out of his pockets, where they've been housed since they got here.

“To be honest, I don’t like much art, I'm not good at it so I can’t really appreciate it.” Kei shrugs and begins walking away from the last painting on the wall, they have the other side to focus on, and then the sculptures in the middle, but Kei doesn't think they'll get to them.

“Oh come on Tsukki, why do you think they have Art Appreciation class?” Yamaguchi follows Kei out of the French Art hallway, and into the main lobby again.

“For people that can't do art?” Kei stops at the “Sculptures and Large Pieces” area, waiting for Yamaguchi to make a move that would tell him he wants to be here.

“Exactly, but they still like art, or maybe just need a credit,” Yamaguchi walks past Kei into the exhibit, Kei follows “but point is, they still care enough about art to take the class, they just don’t really do art.”

“I’m still not sure that’s why Art Appreciation was created, but okay.” Kei follows Yamaguchi to a large floor to ceiling quilt made out of recycled cans.

“I am like, 200 percent certain that is exactly why Art Appreciation was created, that and to put me to sleep.” Yamaguchi continues to look at the big metal quilt, Kei has begun to look at the side of Yamaguchi’s face.

Yamaguchi is attractive, Kei seems to know this already, his mind won’t stop screaming it. Nothing will come of this realization though, you don't automatically fall in love with everyone you find attractive. “You don't sleep with everyone you find attractive either”, his mind supplies. Thank you mind, that will be enough for today.

“Take a picture, it will last longer.” Yamaguchi’s remark breaks his train of thought, Kei feels his face heat up.

“Youre not allowed to take pictures in here.” Kei turns his head back to the quilt, the one they’ve been standing in front of for at least 10 minutes.   

“I suppose not.” Yamaguchi turns to look at Kei, Kei turns his head even farther away from Yamaguchi’s face.

“Oh don't be that way Tsukki.” Yamaguchi laughs, tugs at Kei’s sweater to pull him along to a large horse statue made out of tires.

“I see you took my advice.” Yamaguchi says letting go of Kei’s sweater, putting his hand back in his pocket.

“Which piece of advice? The one where you told me to wear a sweater or the one where you said I should, and I quote, ‘call a specialist about that bird’?” Kei looks over to Yamaguchi, who is already looking at him.

“The former, but you definitely should have called a bird specialist. I was wracking my brain about that all day, trying to find out which species of blue bird that was.” Yamaguchi joked.

~~~

From: Kuroo Kat :3

Subject: Sorry not sorry

_We are leaving, Bo is hungry and whiny. We’ll be at the italian place three blocks down. have your bf drive you home ;)_

To: Kuroo Kat :3

Subject:Re: Sorry not sorry

_Fuck you._

~~~

They weren't able to make it through much of the “Sculptures and Large Pieces” before Kei received the text, groaning.

“What’s the matter, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked, peering over Kei’s shoulder to see his phone.

“Can’t I have some privacy?” Kei turns his phone away from Yamaguchi, not wanting him to see where that pain in the ass had called him Kei’s boyfriend.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi apologized for probably the twelfth time today.

“Kuroo and the rest of them already left.” Kei informed Yamaguchi, pocketing his phone.

“Oh, I guess we’ll have more time then.” Is all Yamaguchi says before turning back to the birds carved out of copper.

“More time for this weird bird thing?” Kei continues to look at it, trying to see what Yamaguchi sees in it.

“Maybe we should call a bird specialist.” Yamaguchi smiles.

~~~

Kei suggests they leave to get lunch down the street when they are done with the “Sculptures and Large Pieces” room, Yamaguchi agrees with a well timed stomach growl.

“You want pizza, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi puts on his seatbelt, turning on his car.

“Anything is fine.” Kei says looking out the window as Yamaguchi begins to tell him about the pizza place he’s taking Kei to.

“You know, I don’t know much about this area. I’m glad you’re letting me take you somewhere.” Yamaguchi rambles about how much he likes pizza, but really only has carry out because it’s cheaper for his large family.

“...but my favorite food is probably really floppy french fries. I don't really like hard or crunchy food all that much. What’s your favorite food Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks as they pull out of the almost deserted parking lot.

“Probably strawberry shortcake, or really anything with strawberries.” Kei’s answer hopefully comes off as indifferent.

“That’s surprising Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaims as he pulls into the crowded street.

“How so?” Kei turns away from the window to look at Yamaguchi putting a CD in his player.

“Well...don’t get mad but...it’s just that you're so salty! So to imagine you liking something so sweet makes me a bit baffled.” Yamaguchi explains. Kei again feels like there is a metaphor buried somewhere in here , but it's one he'd rather ignore.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Kei decides to ignore it.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi says, almost reflex at this point.

~~~

Pizza goes back fast and soon Yamaguchi is dropping Kei off at his apartment.

“I had a nice time Tsukki, thanks for inviting me.” Yamaguchi is looking at his phone as he speaks, not meeting Kei’s eyes, Kei gives up and gets out of the car.

“Like i said, not like I could invite anyone else, but still...” Kei debates on whether or not he wants to bite the bullet. The look Yamaguchi is giving him makes it shatter his teeth.

“Thank you, Yamaguchi.” Kei quickly says before borderline slamming the car door, walking a tad faster than he normally would, away from a confused Yamaguchi.

~~~

“You were out pretty long.” Kuroo greets from the couch, Kenma is in his lap on his handheld. It makes Kei want to vomit.

“Not really.” Kei says, toeing off his shoes and throwing them at the shoe rack.

“Did your boyfriend keep you busy?” Kuroo snickers from the couch, hands carding through Kenmas hair. Kei wants to throw up for an entirely different reason.

“He-he’s not my boyfriend!” Kei snaps just a little too loudly, a little too quickly. Kuroo notices and turns his head towards him, hands stilling in Kenma’s hair.

Kuroo opens his mouth to speak, but Kei is already gone, running out of the living room and into his own.

~~~

Running seems to be all Kei is doing lately, he thinks as he flops on his bed.

Kei has always prided himself on taking challenges on in a smart way, and he’s aware that sometimes that means ignoring them. He understands that he can’t run away from every problem. He understands this, yet the voice that’s saying it is more like a nagging mother, telling him to do something he most certainly is not going to do. He understands what his mind is telling him, knows he needs to do it eventually, yet can't bring himself to do it.

For the second night in a row he finds himself tucked into bed early, lying on his back and ignoring the texts that are most likely Yamaguchi telling him something unimportant.

Running away from his problems has never been something that Kei thought of himself to do.

He doesn't like Yamaguchi.

Running, running, running.

~~~

From: Yamaguchi

Subject: What’s up?

_I had a good time today Tsukki! It was nice doing something just the two of us. We should do that again sometime! Hopefully you have a nice night. I’m stuck doing a paper o(；△；)o_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and such are appreciated <3 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Lighthouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you want to figure out your feelings, make sure you have a lighthouse.” Kenma explains, turning his attention back to his game.
> 
> “What the fuck does that even mean?” Kei asks, befuddled by Kenma’s cryptic advice.
> 
> “It means have a point of reference you can fall back on, to guide your way into being a nice partner.” Kenma states plainly, “People like us will never survive without one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Birthday parties and the beach! Oh my!
> 
> If you missed it, i made a [Tumblr](http://honeyhinata.tumblr.com/) so feel free to check that out!
> 
> The next chapter will be posted on Halloween regardless of when chapter 6 is finished. It's gonna be my Halloween fic of the year!

The thing about lying to yourself is that it’s very similar to lying to others.

The less you think about it, the less you feel guilty.

Kei is certain he is not lying to himself, what is there to lie about? 

~~~

From: Yamaguchi 

Subject: :v

_Tsukki! Guess what??? I have the best idea_

To: Yamaguchi 

Subject:Re: :v

_I doubt it_

From: Yamaguchi 

Subject:Re: :v

_Oh c’mon!!! Don't be that way Tsukki!!_

~~~

Kei also has a very good reason for being at the Yamaguchi household today. He was bribed with cake.

“Don't you think it's a bit odd to bring your previous one night stand to your younger brother’s birthday party?” Kei inquires as they pull up to the Yamaguchi residence.

“Well Tsukki, we are friends, and everyone else said no.” Yamaguchi kind of answers, turning off the car.

The Yamaguchi house looks a lot like what Kei would expect, there are a bunch of teenagers outside, along with a lot of old people on the porch. Kei remembers his old childhood home, big enough for him, his brother, and his mom. Kei wishes he'd had a larger family sometimes, seeing Yamaguchi’s family however makes him reconsider.

“Welcome! You must be Kei!” A short women with kind eyes and long brown hair greets him as the walk into the kitchen, she's frosting a cake and Kei's mouth waters. 

“Hello...” Kei says dumbly, Yamaguchi elbows him in the ribs, snickering.

“Make yourself at home! We'll have cake in about 10 minutes.” Mrs. Yamaguchi says before basically kicking them out of the kitchen.

Yamaguchi’s dad doesn't talk much, Kei notices as he sits down beside him. Yamaguchi's dad is on his phone, scrolling through something, Kei realizes-among all the chaos of teenagers screaming and old ladies chatting-that he quite likes Yamaguchi's father.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi calls from the back door “come out here!” 

Kei tries to say something along the lines of “no Yamaguchi, go by yourself”, but oddly enough finds himself not doing that. Would it be rude to say no at his own house? He's never really been to a friends house before. 

Kei's body does all the work for a stunned Kei, leading him outside and following Yamaguchi to where all his younger cousins are. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi points to probably the fluffiest dog ever, “this is Franny.” 

The dog is busy being pet by about five children, but Franny is still very eager to have even more attention. Kei walks up to it, the children look scared of him, and starts to shyly pet the top of her head.

“See, I knew she'd like you Tsukki.” Yamaguchi plops down at Kei's feet, scratching Franny’s chest. 

“I think all dogs like everybody, Tadashi.” A small girl with a long ponytail says as she sits down on the other side of Kei. 

“Yeah! Dogs love everything!” A boy with short hair and a baseball cap says from behind Kei. Kei jumps a little before regaining his composer. 

“Ta-da-she!” Another girl says as she runs up from behind, jumping and clinging to Yamaguchi's back. 

“Yes, yes, what is it?” Yamaguchi looks quite calm as this little girl basically assaults him. Kei applauds Yamaguchi for his patience.

“Let me braid your hair!” The little girls shouts, the ponytailed girl jumps up and agrees that they “absolutely, positively, have to”.

“Alright, alright. You can braid my hair.” Yamaguchi laughs, Kei once again is baffled at how people can not instantly vomit upon seeing children and their grubby little hands. 

The girls scream with joy, before Mrs. Yamaguchi calls them inside for cake.

~~~

The Yamaguchi’s have a long, wooden dining room table, but it still does not comfortably fit the nearly 2 dozen people at the party. Kei sits on the couch, sandwiched between Yamaguchi's dad and Yamaguchi himself. At his feet are basically all the children from outside, busting at the seams with energy.

“Tadashi!” a small girl with a short braid comes over, pulling at Yamaguchi’s shirt.

“Yes, Aeko?” Yamaguchi coughs a little before drinking.

“When are you gonna introduce me to your boyfriend?” The girl says in a teasing manner, Yamaguchi nearly spits out his drink. 

“Never, I'm not his boyfriend.” Kei says with a cold tongue, his eyes shooting daggers. The small girl looks unphased. 

“Well, I guess someone is a little mad about that fact.” Aeko says in the same teasing lilt, before skipping away into the kitchen. 

“She just did the damage and left,” the small boy with the baseball cap says, mouth dirty with frosting. 

Kei immediately wants to leave the hellhole that is the Yamaguchi household, it’s life and energy that was originally annoying and draining, is now aggravating and grinding at the edges of his patience very quickly. Kei looks over to Yamaguchi who looks more sad than anything. 

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi looks like a kicked puppy, eyes wide and shiny with what is, presumably, tears.

Kei really can’t say anything to a face like that, not anything within his forte at least. He doesn't know what it is about how Yamaguchi is looking right now, but something is telling him that he absolutely cannot be rude and snippy with Yamaguchi, it wouldn't get him anywhere.

Instead of saying anything, he opts for shrugging before taking another bite of cake. 

~~~

The room they’re in is purple, mind numbingly purple. Kei’s alright with purple, he actually wears it a lot, but this room looks like the tail end of a rainbow threw up.

The stool he’s sitting on is yellow, probably taken from under the bathroom cabinet, and impossibly short for how large of a man he is. Yamaguchi at least gets a seat from the kitchen. 

“This would look good,” the small girl ponders on the blue butterfly clip, like it’s the most important decision she’ll ever make in her life, Kei supposes he hasn't made too many more important decisions himself. 

“I bet it would, Hachi.” Yamaguchi takes the clip for inspection, before nodding and handing it back to the smaller girl, who clips the end of Yamaguchi’s hair.

“How do I look?” For a second Kei believes Yamaguchi is asking him, opens his mouth, before realizing he is talking to the children. 

What Kei was going to say he has no clue, probably something like “fine”, but honestly anything could have slipped out of his mouth right then. 

Kei hates revisiting the fact that Yamaguchi is attractive, he really does, it just seems to be ever present at this point. It’s starting to worry him, this nature he’s taken on, where his mind demands he think about Yamaguchi. Its unnecessary and honestly exhausting, the exact reason he tends not to think about anyone longer or more often than necessary. 

Kei wouldn't say he thinks about Yamaguchi a lot, not more than necessary in relation to how much time they've been spending together. Still, Kei knows that this “thinking about Yamaguchi” thing could very easily spiral out of control. For the time being he needs to understand this and keep his emotions guarded. 

“Tsukki, you ready to go?” Yamaguchi’s question breaks him out of his depressing train of thought, Kei looks up at Yamaguchi flatly.

“Take that braid out, your hair looks too short.” Kei stands up from his stool, almost misses Yamaguchi’s blush. 

Yamaguchi quickly unclips the blue clip from the end of the braid, ruffling out his hair with his fingers. Kei’s hand absentmindedly reaches up towards Yamaguchi’s head, Yamaguchi flinches away.

“Tsukki...” Yamaguchi stares owlishly at Kei’s still outstretched hand, Kei feels all the color drain from his face, quickly retracts his hand from it’s mid air suspension. Kei realizes it's just them in this god awful room, the children had left them alone some time ago. Yamaguchi’s gaze goes from about Kei’s collarbone, to the floor. 

Kei really needs to get his reflexes in check, his impulse control has always been top notch. Now it seems like he can't even be around Yamaguchi without doing something stupid. What is happening with him?

Yamaguchi clears his throat, before opening his mouth, then closing it with a sharp snap. 

“C’mon, let’s go home.” Kei mutters, walking past Yamaguchi.

~~~

“Thank you for having me.” Kei says at the door, Yamaguchi’s mother has bombarded them on their way out, demanding Kei hug her.

“Tsukki isn't much of a hugger, mom.” Yamaguchi says as he puts on his hoodie, flipping his hair out from under the collar. Kei glares at him.

Yamaguchi ignores Kei’s harsh gaze, saying goodbye to family members before opening the front door. Kei has not choice but to follow.

“I would have hugged your mother...” Kei mumbles as they walk across the large front yard to Yamaguchi’s car parked across the street. 

“What was that, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks in a distant voice, rummaging through his jeans pocket for his keys.

“I said that I would have hugged your mom.” Kei says a tad louder, a tad faster.

“Don’t bullshit me Tsukki.” Yamaguchi turns around, they're in the middle of Yamaguchi’s deserted yard, everyone else went in after the air chilled.

“Bull-bullshit you?” Kei says with a bit of bite to his words, he knows he probably shouldn't raise his voice, but a fire come ups in him.

“Tsukki, you are the most socially awkward beanpole I've ever met.” Yamaguchi sighs, before turning back around and walking away.

“I’ll have you know that beanpoles don't have any means of communication, therefore cannot be socially inept.” Kei roles his eyes only for show. 

He knows Yamaguchi really wasn't talking about his mother or really anything else, but he's glad Yamaguchi has learned to drop subjects Kei does not want to speak about. Kei walks to Yamaguchi’s car with a bit of a skip in his step.

~~~

The drive home consists of Yamaguchi singing along to songs that are at least from the early 2000’s, Kei laughs when he gets really into it, which then draws Yamaguchi out of his singing to stare at Kei, who then stops laughing in favor of being pathetically embarrassed.

At a stoplight, Yamaguchi’s mixtape ends, only for him to point at his glove compartment.

“Tsukki, get the CD holder out from there, put in a CD.” Yamaguchi orders, eyes still on the road. Kei pops open the glove compartment, and finds a huge CD binder stuffed with CDs.

“Why do you have all these?” Kei asked as he ejects the CD titled “2000’s hits”, and puts in a CD titled “Talon of the Hawk”.

“I drive most of my siblings around, me and my older sister are the only ones who can drive besides my parents. My car doesn't have working radio, so to keep everyone happy I have a huge collection of mix CDs and albums.” Yamaguchi explains, the first song starts off with a tambourine.

Yamaguchi isn't the best singer, come to think of it he never sang at karaoke in the brief time all of them were there, but he can defiantly sing to the current band that’s playing.

“I know how really sad you are” Yamaguchi pulls into the parking lot of Kei’s apartment complex.

“I’m probably gonna leave real soon” Yamaguchi parks the car, Kei unbuckles his seatbelt.

“Just wanted to let you know before I say, au revoir.” Yamaguchi’s singing dies out, Yamaguchi turns to Kei, Kei turns to Yamaguchi.

“What is this song even about?” Kei turns to the CD player right as the main vocalist starts borderline screaming, Kei takes the initiative to turn it down.

“I’m not sure, Tsukki. I really like this band a lot.” Yamaguchi is talking low and quiet, Kei can barely hear him.

“Tsukki...can I make a request?” Yamaguchi turns to Kei and Kei tries his best to keep his face neutral.

“I've told you before, you're in no position to be asking favors of me.” Kei raises an eyebrow, Yamaguchi hasn't even looked him in the eye yet.

“Right..” Yamaguchi turns back to face the steering wheel.

“Let’s hear it.” Kei doesn't really register these words as his own until Yamaguchi is looking at him like he put the sun in the sky. Kei really hates that look.

“Can we go somewhere Tsukki?” Yamaguchi fiddles with his seatbelt. “I don't really want to stop spending time with you.”

Kei considers this offer, it’s 4:30 on a Tuesday, week long break after midterms has just started, Yamaguchi will probably cry if he doesn't. 

“Can I make a request?” Kei asks, Yamaguchi looks over at him and nods slowly, “make it somewhere good.”

~~~

“Somewhere good” for Kei has never meant the beach. He doesn't particularly hate the beach, he’s more or less neutral on the subject. His mother however adores the beach, and would take Kei and his brother whenever she could, but Kei hasn't been to the beach in 2 years. 

They also don't live particularly close to the shore either, it's about an hour and a half out of their way, but Yamaguchi seems content just singing to songs and talking to Kei. 

Something Kei has never gotten in his entire life, is the feeling of connection to a particular person so great that he could feel content and happy by simply existing with them. Kei’s always seen communication as a necessary annoyance in his life, he knows he must communicate to exist in the world, to have relationships that are crucial to personal growth. It’s just never been something he’s particularly wanted participate in more often than necessary. Maybe it’s because he’s simply no good at being a decent conversationalist.

Whatever the case may be, Kei finds Yamaguchi’s stories and anecdotes charming, and whether or not he should be using that word is irrelevant. Kei can call whoever he wants charming, without it meaning anything of value to a relationship. 

Yamaguchi is able to talk for very long periods of time, when he does talk he seems to be talking more to himself then Kei; like he’s just talking to get stuff off his chest, like Kei is a shrink or something. Kei really can't stand this.

“You know I'm not your shrink, right?” Kei’s approach may not have been the best.

“What do you mean, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi stops what he has to say to appeal to Kei’s mumbling, another thing he doesn't like.

“Well, you always talk like you’re just talking to talk. I’d rather have a meaningful conversation.” Kei tries to explain himself.

“You mean rambling, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi looks at Kei from the corner of his eyes, “also, maybe we could have a meaningful conversation, if the other party would actually talk.”

Kei whips his head around to find Yamaguchi smiling, Kei stews on his comment for a minute before delivering his comeback.

“I can talk, probably a lot better at conversation than you think.” Kei knows from the start he’s bullshitting his entire side of this conversation.

“Oh really?” Yamaguchi is talking in the same tone he used with the children, a higher tone and a pleasant lilt. 

Kei snorts, “of course, you've just never said anything worth my commentary.” 

“Then why don't you start?” Yamaguchi challenges, which usually Kei will brush off. He’s not the volleyball idiots that will get riled up over a petty little comment, but something about the manner of the challenge makes him lose his usual composure.

So Kei does start conversation, he doesn't really know what about, just starts to talk and tell his own stories, how he broke his wrist as a child, the first Christmas he can remember, how his older brother snorted milk out of his nose and little Kei rolled around on the floor laughing. Kei continues to talk, feels proud when Yamaguchi laughs or has something to say, for the most part he keeps quite, their usual roles reversed. 

Kei talking so freely is new, it’s not something he’s ever really done. Timed out and precise one liners is more his thing, but Yamaguchi prods him on, makes him open up a tiny bit more then anyone else has really seen, no one has ever bothered so much as to care about Kei’s stupid stories, about his brother’s middle name or how tall he was in 5th grade. 

Actually, he never really cared either.

~~~

Arriving at the beach, the crisp air is unsatisfying to Kei’s lungs. He takes several breaths for every one he would have taken in air that couldn't freeze over water, and he feels unsatisfied with the way his parka covers him. He’s still quite cold.

“Here we are Tsukki!” Yamaguchi however is very excited, skipping over to the pier they've parked in front of, before tossing off his sneakers and ripping off his socks.

“What are you doing?” Kei walks over to Yamaguchi, who is now sitting down.

“It’s really lucky no one’s here,” Yamaguchi starts, ignoring Kei’s question “not that anyone is usually hear anyways.” 

Yamaguchi pats the section of wood next to him, Kei shakes his head.

“No way am I taking any of my clothing off, it’s cold out here Yamaguchi.” Kei insists, Yamaguchi insists just a tad harder though, patting the spot beside him again.

Sighing, Kei toes off his shoes, takes off his socks, and plops down beside Yamaguchi. He keeps his hands in his pocket, lest they freeze off.

“Tsukki, you see that lighthouse over there?” Yamaguchi points to a large shape in the distance, it’s very hard for Kei to make out what it is, goes along with what Yamaguchi is saying.

“That’s where my parents got engaged.” Yamaguchi says wistfully, turning to Kei, Kei is taken aback with the look in Yamaguchi’s eyes.

It looks almost...sad, like he is remembering a painful memory. Kei looks a little longer as Yamaguchi looks at him, and realizes its longing.

Kei never really let it sink in until now, the words Hinata had told him when he was trying to get him to speak to Yamaguchi. 

_“Because he really, truly, honestly liked you..”_

Yamaguchi likes him, at least according to Hinata, and while Hinata may be stupid, he’s not a liar. 

Yamaguchi likes Kei, and Kei is still running.

~~~

The car ride home is mostly silent, Yamaguchi still shows Kei all his music, Kei picks out a mix CD with most of his favorite songs on it, they play that one twice.

Yamaguchi does pop up a couple times to say something, like a fun fact about the band that Kei will usually pair with his own, Kei feels looser talking to Yamaguchi, like his tongue has been retracted of its 20 year long bonds.

“Thank you for coming with me, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi says as they enter town, Kei looks at the clock for it to read 10 pm.

“You kept good on the request.” Kei yawns, Yamaguchi absolutely sparkles.

“It was my pleasure, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi says as the last song on the CD dies out, they don't enter a new CD.

They sit in silence that isn't entirely comfortable or uncomfortable, it just is. It sits in the air between them, but you wouldn't be able to notice the uncomfortableness unless you were to concentrate too hard and make it come alive.

Driving up to Kei’s apartment complex for the second time, Kei yawns and gives Yamaguchi a short goodbye, debunking any other attempts at getting Kei to spend any more time with him.

~~~

Kei walks into his apartment with his feet feeling like lead, dragging them across the wooden entryway to take off his shoes. 

Kenma is up, lounging out on the sofa playing his handheld. Kei greets him groggily.

“I didn't know a 15 year old’s birthday party would be bumping until 10:30.” Kenma says with no emotion, Kei’s not sure he shows much vocally anyhow.

“Well, I got held up.” Kei says lamely, Kenma does not buy his response.

“If you want to figure out your feelings, make sure you have a lighthouse.” Kenma explains, turning his attention back to his game.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Kei asks, befuddled by Kenma’s cryptic advice.

“It means have a point of reference you can fall back on, to guide your way into being a nice partner.” Kenma states plainly, “People like us will never survive without one.”

Kei leaves Kenma’s conversation like he usually does, with more questions then answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://honeyhinata.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and such are appreciated <3


	5. To and From

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei knows that his place in this world isn't to make someone else happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!
> 
> It's currently Halloween as I am uploading this! I hope everyone has a happy and safe night doing whatever you're doing!
> 
> This chapter was saved for Halloween because it take place on and around the date! (also Halloween is on a Saturday instead of a Monday because I wanted to make it the weekend)
> 
> This chapter was also very very long ;-; i am sorry.

From: Yamaguchi

Subject: THIS IS HALLOWEEN 

_Tsukkiiii halloween is in a couple days!_

To: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: THIS IS HALLOWEEN 

_I know, Kuroo and Bokuto are having a party_

~~~

“Are you sure you want to take Yamaguchi to a party?” Hinata asks over coffee, the two of them are in the library, waiting for Kageyama.

“It’s not like I want to take him anywhere.” Kei snorts. “He basically invited himself.”

“Yeah, but Tsukki, it’s not like you have to take him or let him come.” Hinata says, not looking at Kei but rather the door to the library. “If I know anything about you, Stingyshima, its that you wouldn't do anything just because someone wants you to. Not unless they were real special.”

“That doesn't sound like me at all.” Kei says, he feels like he’s lying but doesn't know about which part he’s lying about. 

“Well let me tell you, Tsukki.” Hinata turns to him for the first time in the conversation. His face turns into that one that scares the shit out of Kei, not like Hinata needs to know that. “If you so much as touch a hair on Yamaguchi’s head and he comes back to me crying, we will have a problem.”

“Duly noted.” Kei snorts, still has to repress a shiver despite himself. He knows there isn't a chance in hell that he could get hurt by the 5’5” mass of orange that is Hinata, but that weird serious face looks freaky nonetheless.

~~~

Yamaguchi invites Kei to pick out a Halloween costume with him, Kei readily refuses.

“Tsukki! C’mon, it'll be fun!” Yamaguchi keeps insisting that going to Party City will be an absolute blast, Kei would rather gouge his eyes out. 

“Yamaguchi, it is like, 3 days ‘till Halloween. I’m not going to Party City.” 

“Tsukki, if we’re going together do you think we should get matching outfits?” Yamaguchi wonders. They’re sitting at a table in the food court of the local mall, Yamaguchi had insisted they come.

“Don’t make it seem like a date, Yamaguchi.” Kei slurps on the tail end of a strawberry milkshake, one that he hadn't asked for, but Yamaguchi had gotten him with his cheap fast food regardless

“Sorry Tsukki!” Kei swears it gets less and less sincere by the day.

~~~

They actually do end up to going to Party City, much to a disgruntled Kei’s annoyance.

The store is packed, full of crying kids and mothers who just want a cheap costume. Kei and Yamaguchi roam around to the best of their abilities, weaving around people.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi suddenly pulls back on Kei’s hand, stopping Kei in his tracks. 

Yamaguchi points to something on a rack, tugging at Kei’s hand. Kei walks over to what Yamaguchi is pointing to, sees a pair of plastic devil horns on a headband and another with an angel's halo strapped on.

“Wouldn’t this be perfect?!” Yamaguchi reaches out and grabs the devil horns off the shelf, placing them on Kei’s head the best he can with one hand.

Oh, that’s right, Yamaguchi hasn’t let go of Kei’s hand. Kei looks down at their conjoined hands, can feel his eyebrows furrow.

“Your hands are cold, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi comments, Kei looks up to see Yamaguchi looking at him, searching for something.

“They’re always cold. That’s what happens when your 6 foot 2.” Kei scoffs, his hand connected with Yamaguchi’s actually feels exceedingly warm and sweaty, but if Yamaguchi has noticed the sweat he hasn’t commented on it.

“Huh? Why is that Tsukki?” Yamaguchi tilts his head in a way that has Kei’s ears growing a bit hot.

“My blood circulation is shit.” Kei responds flatly, Yamaguchi shrugs before taking his free hand to the halo and placing it on his own head.

It’s kinda crooked, due to the fact it was put on with 0 care or effort on Yamaguchi’s part, but Kei still thinks he looks good.

“You’re not wearing that hat?” Kei asks, just now noticing the lack of headwear, come to think of it Yamaguchi hasn't worn that in a while.

“Ah, you mean the jean one?” Kei nods his head. “I really only wear that with certain outfits, or when I forget to wash my hair.” 

Kei feels a pout coming at his lips when he says, “I like the hat though.”

Yamaguchi’s smile is almost blinding, his teeth aren't perfectly straight either, Kei notes for the first time. 

“I’ll be sure to not wash my hair, Tsukki.” Kei rolls his eyes.

“Do you wash your hair everyday?” Kei asks as they leave Party City, Yamaguchi has the bag with the horns and halo in one hand, other hand finds it way back into Kei’s.

“Yeah, unfortunately with it being so long, I find it gets greasy really fast.” Yamaguchi shrugs, “I know it’s not really healthy, but if I don't it looks bad.”

Kei thinks about this, he drums his overly long fingers on the back of Yamaguchi’s hand, Yamaguchi squeezes.

~~~

“How was date number 200?” Kuroo asks ask he extracts his lips from Kenma’s neck. Kenma doesn’t seem to be paying any mind, sitting in Kuroo’s lap watching TV.

“I keep telling you they're not dates.” Kei sighs, he can't really be bothered to be defensive about it anymore. 

“Yeah Kuro, what really makes something a date?” Kenma reaches over for his DS.

“Kenma I said no devices during us time.” Kuroo scolds, taking the DS away from Kenma. Kei doesn't want to think about what that could mean.

“Well doesn't a date just mean that the two of you are dating?” Kei asks, takes a seat at the one chair they could squeeze in their tiny apartment.

“Not necessarily.” Kuroo says, stroking the top of Kenma’s head. “You could be like Kenma and I when we first started dating. Go on dates and call it ‘seeing each other’.” Kuroo snickers as Kenma swats away Kuroo’s hand, obviously annoyed at Kuroo’s comment.

“Yeah but isn't that for people that don’t want a relationship, they just want to get to know someone?” Kei asks, propping his head on his hand, looking at Kuroo from over his glasses.

Kuroo barks out a short laugh, “Isn't that like, exactly what you two are doing?”

Kei ponders on this, with the vague way he put things, it technically is. Kei doesn't want a relationship, but he doesn't really want to get to know Yamaguchi either. He’s told many people many times, he has met enough eccentric people to last his entire life. While Yamaguchi is far from one the eccentric characters that Kei has met over the years, he’s still a person and therefore breaks Kei’s standing on the whole “I don't need to know anyone else” thing.

“I don't want to get to know Yamaguchi though.” Kei says his only saving grace from admitting Kuroo of all people is right about relationships.

“But you totally are. It’s not a matter of wanting to or not wanting to, youre doing it out of your own accord anyways.” Kuroo says as he straightens ups to prop his head on Kenma’s. “Besides, just the fact that you're talking to this guy shows that you care at least a little bit about him.”

“Why does everyone think I’m some heartless monster?” Kei throws his head back on the headrest of the recliner. 

“You're not a heartless monster Kei, you just wouldn't do anything anyone asks of you. Unless there was something in it for you.” Kuroo shrugs with his statement, “now get out, it’s me and Kenma time.”

“Please don't fuck on my sofa.” Kei pleads, getting up and walking out of the room.

~~~

Thankfully, Kei finds no proof the next morning of his roommates fornicating on his recently thrifted couch. He does however find Kenma awake before him, something that worries Kei just a bit. Kenma has alway been a bit of an insomniac, but he’s rarely still up at 7 am.

“Did you sleep?” Kei asks as he sits beside Kenma on the barstool.

“I did.” Kenma’s attention did not waver from his coffee mug.

“So...why are you up?” Kei doesn't really mind talking to Kenma, it’s just tough with them being so similar in regards to smalltalk.

“Had to think a little.” Kenma glances over at Kei momentarily, before taking a sip of his black coffee and sighing.

“Have you found your lighthouse yet?” Kenma asks Kei this, like he’s asking about the rain outside, Kei momentarily feels like a raindrop thats just hit the ground, parts of himself scattering everywhere.

Kei’s not sure where to start, with a question like that. So he does something he prides himself on never doing, saying without thinking.

“Hinata and Kageyama.” Kei wants to cringe as he feels himself saying the words. He never in a million years thought he’d see the idiot pair and say “I want a relationship just like there’s” but here he is, holding them up as a beacon to learn from.

“That makes sense.” Kenma, funnily enough, agrees. “Kageyama and you are very similar.”

“Excuse me?” Kei feels offended, hopes he doesn't sound too much like a 13 year old girl.

Kenma stares at him blankly, sighs, and then puts his coffee mug down, “You and Kageyama both show love through small gestures, you both don't communicate feelings very well, and you both tend to think you don't deserve your partners.” 

Kei is honestly dumbfounded by the way Kenma can somehow know this about both Kei and King, when he doesn't really talk to either of them.

“Aren't you supposed to find Kageyama scary? How do you know all that?” Kei turns his attention to the fridge, it’s getting cluttered with pictures Kuroo likes to take on his polaroid.

“I talk to Shouyou on a daily basis.” Is all Kenma says before turning back to his mug.

“Whatever you say.” Kei jabs a little, Kenma is rarely affected by it anyways, another reason they are able to get along.

~~~

It is the day before Halloween when Kei finds himself in Yamaguchi’s bedroom. He wasn't in the room when he was over last, he was in the notoriously purple room, which he finds out is Aeko’s.

Aeko is kind of a pain in the ass. She’s the youngest of five siblings, so you'd think being the baby, even of a large family, she wouldn't be so attention seeking and mean, but still here she is, being a huge pain.

“I didn't know you were here, Not Tadashi’s Boyfriend.” The nickname Aeko has dubbed to Kei as of 5 minutes ago is kind of infuriating, which isn't an emotion he feels for no reason very often. 

“Aeko, I appreciate the fact you want to get on my nerves, but I wouldn't advise doing so.” Kei glares at the girl, who gives him a blank stare in return.

“Empty threats won’t work, Kei.” Aeko sways on her feet a little as she talks, Kei feels his eye twitch.

“Aeko? What are you doing in here?” Yamaguchi enters the room with the drinks he had originally gone to fetch, Aeko turns to him with a big fake smile on her face.

“Tadashi! I was just talking to Kei over here.” Aeko puts on a bold face for someone who's about to be murdered in her own home.

“More like annoying the ever living daylights out of me.” Kei rolls his eyes and Aeko turns around with a huff, Yamaguchi doesn't look like he knows what to do.

“Aeko, can you please leave?” Yamaguchi moves from out of the doorway, setting the drinks down on his desk, Aeko huffs but walks out regardless.

“Sorry about her, she's 13 and can be quite the handful sometimes.” Yamaguchi begin to twirl his hair, a thing Kei has found to mean he’s nervous. 

“I mean, you can't pick your family.” Kei treads lightly, lest Yamaguchi begins scratching his face, something that means he’s really nervous.

“I guess you're right, Tsukki.” It’s obvious that Yamaguchi just wants to drop it, Kei finds that Yamaguchi doesn't do that a lot.

“So...” Kei sits down on Yamaguchi’s plaid sheets, his room is painted a neutral beige color, he has green plaid sheets currently under Kei, and a desk right beside the door. He has a laptop perched in his lap, putting in the movie they’re about to watch.

“Scooch , Tsukki.” Yamaguchi gets up from his desk chair, nudges Kei’s knee with his. 

They settle themselves shoulder to shoulder on Yamaguchi’s small bed, up against the large dark wood headboard. Kei’s shoulder have always been naturally broad, and Yamaguchi’s are none to scoff at either, so the squeeze has them thigh to thigh, arm to arm, and shoulder to shoulder. Yamaguchi props the laptop half on his thigh and half on Kei’s.

The movie is decent, Kei catches Yamaguchi staring at him more than once, causing both to erupt in rosey cheeks. The movie was a documentary, it was about the Tour De France.

By the time the lengthy movie is over, it’s almost dark outside, Kei stretches as he gets off the bed. 

“You wanna sleep over, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi rubs his eyes and looks at Kei sleepily, Kei weighs the pros and cons of sleeping with Yamaguchi.

It’s not like they haven't slept in the same bed before, they practically met sleeping together. Of course this time there would be no sex involved, just them crowded on Yamaguchi’s to small bed. Kei finds no harm in spending the night, it’s already 7 pm.

“Fine.”

~~~

Sleeping turns out to be more of an ordeal then Kei had originally scheduled for. The Yamaguchi’s don't have a spare bedroom, or really any other space besides the couch for alternatives, so it looked like it was just Kei and Yamaguchi. Taking on the hassle of fitting their too large bodies in a wide twin size.

They end up with Kei’s head at the end of the bed, his feet beside Yamaguchi’s own head. It works out pretty well, if only for the fact that they're not spooning or any other form of cuddling. 

(That was proposed by Yamaguchi, it was quickly shot down. The last thing Kei needs is to be spooning with Yamaguchi, that would not help any of his situations.)

“This reminds me of how we met Tsukki.” Kei can't see Yamaguchi because of the darkness or his position, but he imagines he's making that face he made by the pier on Tuesday, a face full of longing and want.

“How does this at all remind you of that?” Kei turns more into his pillow, his words becoming slightly muffled.

“Well, it was dark...and we were in a bed.” Yamaguchi’s response holds no conviction, like he didn't think that far ahead in his statement.

“Go to bed, Yamaguchi.” Kei turns his face directly into the pillow, signaling conversation over. 

“Night, Tsukki.”

~~~

The next day is Halloween and Yamaguchi’s younger brother wakes them up around lunchtime.

This sibling doesn't introduce himself to Kei, but he looks exactly how Kei imagines Yamaguchi looked at 17, shorter, with shorter hair, and less broad shoulders.

Kei had slept in the clothes he came with, which wasn’t a problem with them being sweats. Kei was in desperate need of a shower, and refuses to shower at anyone else’s house besides his own.

Yamaguchi says he’ll take Kei home after he gets ready, and begins stripping in front of Kei. 

“Have some self respect, Yamaguchi.” Kei covers his eyes, shielding them from Yamaguchi’s pink boxer briefs, they do wonders for Yamaguchi’s ass. Therefore they make Kei’s life exceedingly difficult.

“Why don't you just not be so gay Tsukki?” Yamaguchi snorts and shimmies into some black jeans. 

“I’ll have you know that gayness cannot be measured.” Kei takes a peek out of his hand to see Yamaguchi pulling a shirt over his head, a very familiar shirt.

“Maybe not yours.” Yamaguchi retorts, throwing half of his hair up into a low bun, leaving the lower half down.

“Is that my shirt?” Kei takes his hands away from his face, looking at the pink strawberry shirt, it hangs a little long on Yamaguchi, Kei barely remembers giving it to him when he woke up that fateful morning.

“Huh?” Yamaguchi replies lamely, looking down at the shirt in question, “Yeah, I guess it is.” 

Yamaguchi pulls his jean hat off the door handle, putting it on the top of his head before motioning Kei to leave with him.

~~~

The fact that Yamaguchi’s wearing his shirt makes Kei a tad...nervous. To say the very least.

Especially as they walk into Kei’s apartment, to get ready for the party happening in just a few hours. Kenma is in the living room, which means Kuroo isn't far away.

“Kuro already left.” Kenma looks at Kei, before eyeing up Yamaguchi. Kei realizes that Kenma has never been introduced to Yamaguchi. 

“Yamaguchi this is Kenma, he is Kuroo’s boyfriend.” Yamaguchi waves and Kenma, Kenma nods at Yamaguchi.

With that out of the way, Kei directs Yamaguchi to his bedroom, to wait until Kei is out of the shower.

~~~

Kei has a very good reason for letting Yamaguchi blow dry his hair, he didn't want Yamaguchi to feel left out.

“You have really soft hair, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi runs his fingers through it as the blow dryer roams around his head. Kei hums.

“Shut up Yamaguchi.” He swears it gets less and less sincere by the day.

~~~

The party they are going to is being held in Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment, Yamaguchi seems to be vibrating with excitement the entire 30 minutes car ride there.

“Yamaguchi we are playing smooth jazz, you cannot be that jittery.” Kei smirks over at Yamaguchi, who looks over a little bit, before almost missing their turn and paying attention to the road again.

Yamaguchi had (quite foolishly) asked Kenma is he wanted to go with them, Kenma had shaken his head, “no, the party life isn't really for me”.

Yamaguchi had been pretty bent out of shape about it for a while, all of 10 minutes that is, before Kei had explained that Kenma didn't enjoy watching people get drunk, or really alcohol in general.

“He’s always on Kuroo’s case about giving me alcohol.” Kei had told him, and it was true, Kuroo always got in trouble with Kenma when he found out Kuroo had given Kei alcohol. Kenma hated the idea of underage drinking, just because it was illegal.

They pull up to Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment complex a couple minutes later, Yamaguchi gets out of the car and stretches, Kei following shortly after.

Coming into the party, there is already over 30 people, crammed in like sardines. Almost wall to wall, full of people Kei does not know. 

“Hey, hey, hey! If it isn't Tsukki!” Bokuto takes his tongue out of Akaashi’s mouth just long enough to greet Kei by the doorway.

“I would recommend not making out and then immediately greeting someone.” Kei shrugs off his coat, keeps all the necessities with him, tells Yamaguchi to do the same.

“Man, I can't help it! Akaashi is hot!” Bokuto loops his arm around a red faced Akaashi, who quickly untangles himself from Bokuto before beginning to scold him.

Kei drowns out the scolding as it starts, grabbing Yamaguchi’s wrist before weaving their way through the crowd of sardine packed people in Bokuto’s apartment.

While Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment is marginally larger than Kei’s own, it has a ton of decorations and candy everywhere. There are streamers on the ceiling and on the archways, in festive alternating orange and black. There are bowls of different candy and alcohol on almost every surface, Kei sees Yamaguchi snag a peanut butter cup as they walk out onto Bokuto’s balcony.

Bokuto and Akaashi’s balcony has always been something Kei was jealous of, he kind of wishes he had a balcony. He would be able to grow vegetables like Akaashi does, but considering he’s terrible at taking care of plants, it would be a fruitless endeavor. (Pun not intended.)

There are some people that Kei does not recognize out on the balcony, Kei nessles him and Yamaguchi into a small space beside Akaashi’s vegetables.

“It’s really nice out here.” Yamaguchi comments, squeezing Kei’s hand. 

“It’s the last day of October, yet it doesn't really feel like fall yet.” Kei also comments, looking over city lights and telephone towers. Bokuto and Akaashi live closer to the heart of the city, due to Bokuto’s job. No matter how many times Kei is over he never gets over how aesthetically appealing the cityscape is at night. He thinks he might want to live somewhere like this when he is out of college. For now he has about 4 more years to go before he can even think about it. 

Kei looks over the Yamaguchi, who is looking over at the city as well. Kei has given Yamaguchi’s face enough credit to last his entire life, doesn't really feel like giving it anymore.

“Thank you for inviting me Tsukki. Even if we forgot our costumes at my house.” Yamaguchi snickers a little bit, taking his hand out of Kei’s to cover his mouth.

“Well you mostly invited yourself,” Kei starts, Yamaguchi laughs out loud “And it’s not my fault, I was distracted by the fact that you haven't given me my shirt back.”

Yamaguchi rolls his eyes at Kei, “Tsukki, you just need to be less attracted to me in your shirt.” 

“That is not what happened and you know it.” Kei looks at his shirt on Yamaguchi. It fits nicely, even if Yamaguchi is more filled out then Kei himself. It hangs a bit long on Yamaguchi however, covering about half his butt. 

“Yeah right, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi nudges Kei’s stomach with his elbow. “You just get so turned on when I wear this shirt.”

“If that was the case, then I wouldn't have given you the shirt.” It’s Kei’s turn to roll his eyes, Yamaguchi snickers. “That use to be my favorite shirt, by the way.” 

“What an honor.” Yamaguchi fakes a gasp, covering his mouth with both hands, Kei rolls his eyes even harder, if that was possible. 

Their conversation hit a gap, the two of them side by side in comfortable silence, shoulder to shoulder in casual intimacy. Kei doesn't spare a glance at Yamaguchi.

“Tsukki, I like you.” Yamaguchi says with not a hint of doubt or worry, casually and freely. Kei however whips his head around, almost knocking his nose into Yamaguchi’s forehead.

“What is that, all of a sudden?” Kei’s statement comes out more of a question, sputtering despite not feeling nervous. 

If Kei is being honest, it feels like a weight has been lifted, freeing him from the confines of wondering if Yamaguchi was serious or not. Looking back on the events of the last month, it could probably be seen as quite obvious that Yamaguchi had feelings for him, Hinata had even said so.

Another part of Kei, a dark dark place that Kei visits much too often, feels a huge boulder immediately replace the spot lifted above the clouds by Yamaguchi’s confession. For starters he has not sorted out his own feelings, which is basically just as bad as not having them at all. He can’t accept a confession with “I think I maybe, possibly like you back”, it has to be a sure thing. Kei can’t accept someone else’s feelings without accepting his own first.

The second issue is that Kei isn't worthy of Yamaguchi’s confession in the first place, isn't worthy of someone getting flustered and thinking about him. Kei has never personally been in love-Hinata describes it as a “gwahh” feeling he’ll get in his chest-so he has no experience in the field of what one would do. He’s read the stories, watched the movies, you think about someone a lot and you feel like you're walking on air around them. Kei can't fathom anyone actually doing all that just for him. Kei knows that his place in this world isn't to make someone else happy.

He isn't worth Yamaguchi’s time, energy, or feelings.

“You don't have to answer me Tsukki.” Yamaguchi doesn't sound flustered, doesn't sound heartbroken, just sounds normal. Kei wonders how he can sound so normal when Kei’s mind is in utter turmoil.

“I probably won’t.” Kei says, reverting back to high school confessions, notes shoved in his locker with perfume sprayed on them. Did they know the would be rejected? Did they have hope? 

Yamaguchi laughs, like he didn't just tell Kei his life was over.

~~~

Bokuto’s party continues like normal for everyone else, even Yamaguchi. Kei feels like his feet are made of lead, dragging them around as the night wears on and less and less people are crowded in the small space. Soon enough it’s just Bokuto, Kuroo, Yamaguchi, and Kei. Akaashi had gone to bed two hours ago.

“That was nice, thank you for inviting us, Bokuto.” Yamaguchi yawns. Kuroo’s head is in his lap, Kuroo is still drunk off his ass.

“Of course, Yama!” Bokuto is still loud at almost 4 am, it’s really not a shocker.

“Well, we best be getting back.” Yamaguchi looks over to Kei and motions with his head to get up. Kei follows.

“Bye, you annoying piece of shit.” Kei says as he shrugs his coat on, Bokuto laughs very loudly, the party getting him in such a good mood Kei’s insults do not faze him.

“Bye bye, Bokuto.” Yamaguchi waves while carrying Kuroo on his shoulder.

~~~

Yamaguchi demands they play no music on the way back home, insisting it will wake Kuroo. Kei knows from experience that when Kuroo is passed out drunk, the damn atomic bomb wouldn't wake him up.

However this leaves the two of them to talk while on the 30 minute car ride home, something Kei was desperately looking forward to not doing.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi snaps his free hand in front of Kei’s face, Kei swats it away.

“What is it, Yamaguchi.” Kei turns to looks at Yamaguchi’s focused expression.

“About what I said earlier,” Yamaguchi starts, Kei almost says something to quiet him, before stopping himself. “I just wanted you to know that I meant what I said, but you don't have to like me back. Just the time we’ve spent as friends is enough for me.”

“Ok, Yamaguchi.” Is all Kei says, turning back to look out his window. 

Yamaguchi probably has no clue that he just made Kei’s problem worse, the wrestle with his feelings all that more complicated. Kei doesn't want to have Yamaguchi settle, Yamaguchi deserves more, deserves better than what Kei can give him. Kei can’t give him love and support that he probably wants, just brooding and sarcasm. Who wants that?

Kei hauls Kuroo up to his apartment, a disappointed Kenma waiting for them. 

Yamaguchi passes out on Kei’s bed not much later. Kei takes the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://honeyhinata.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and such are appreciated! <3


	6. Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei will be the first to admit, he makes a lot of excuses. Like those times he told himself he couldn't pursue a relationship because of time, he had plenty of time he just didn't want a relationship. He learned really quick, however, that saying that will get you in more trouble.
> 
>  
> 
> He’s made too many excuses about Yamaguchi, he realizes. Too many excuses for the short period of time it’s been since they've become whatever it is their relationship is. He’s said too many falsehoods about how he doesn't enjoy Yamaguchi’s company, or how he doesn't want to be around him, how he doesn't consider him a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY
> 
> it's been a really long time since i updated this and don't worry i have an excuse: basically this is the THIRD draft of this chapter. i really could not for the life of me get this chapter the way i wanted it. I'm satisfied with it now but honestly i wasn't for a very long time.
> 
> anyways i'm getting my groove back! Thank you to everyone who kudo-ed or bookmarked or read or anything else while i was on my little break! I'll be sure to make chapter 7 come at least a little faster :)

Kei will be the first to admit, he makes a lot of excuses. Like those times he told himself he couldn't pursue a relationship because of time, he had plenty of time he just didn't want a relationship. He learned really quick, however, that saying that will get you in more trouble.

He’s made too many excuses about Yamaguchi, he realizes. Too many excuses for the short period of time it’s been since they've become whatever it is their relationship is. He’s said too many falsehoods about how he doesn't enjoy Yamaguchi’s company, or how he doesn't want to be around him, how he doesn't consider him a friend.

Kei knows he must put a stop to this, just not right now, as the clock on the wall informs him it is 5:30 in the morning. He will most likely deal with this tomorrow.

~~~

Kei wakes up around noon, he checks his room to find Yamaguchi gone. He silently thanks whatever god has done this for him. The last thing he needs is for Yamaguchi and him to have another early morning conversation.

“Your boyfriend left a note for you.” Kuroo looks at Kei over his coffee, sliding a piece of paper over the bar to him. Kei slips his shirt over his head, grabbing the piece of paper.

“You didn't read it, did you?” Kei asks, even if he already knows the answer.

“Why, I never! Accusing me of reading your most personal private love letters! It’s downright scandalous, Tsukki.” Kuroo puts down his mug to put both hands over his shirtless chest, Kei sees Kenma boldly roll his eyes.

“So, that’s a yes?” Kei grabs his glasses from the coffee table, sitting down on the couch.

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Kuroo takes a loud, obnoxious sip of his coffee.

~~~

_Hey Tsukki,_

_It’s currently about 8! My mom wanted me home by morning >< so I have to dash! Thank you so much for last night! I had a lot of fun (even though i invited myself! haha!) _

_Call me or something! That is, if my phone doesn't get taken away!_

_See yah later,_

_Tadashi_

~~~

To: Yamaguchi

Subject: We need to talk

_Where did you disappear to? Also we need to talk ASAP_

 

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: We need to talk

_I’m sorry Tsukki! I have to work like all day ಥ_ಥ_

 

Kei doesn't have a job, to be honest he didn't expect Yamaguchi to have one either. Yamaguchi had never mentioned anything about it, but Kei supposes he hadn't ever asked.

“Hinata,” Kei can't believe he’s doing this “does Yamaguchi have a job?”

Hinata makes some weird crunching sounds, like he’s shoveling potato chips into his mouth “Yams? A job?”

“That’s what I asked.”

“Oh! Yeah, he does! He doesn't work often, but when he does he works like...10 hours!” The crunching has stopped, but Hinata’s voice sounds a bit like stepped on dry leaves.

“Where are you?” Kei asks, hoping Hinata hasn’t put himself into a dead zone, the _one_ time Kei has something to ask of him.

“Oh, where am I? I’m driving around with Kageyama, we don't know where we are.” Hinata doesn’t sound too concerned.

“Ok, well do you know where Yamaguchi works?” Kei taps his foot impatiently, loud music begins to play on Hinata’s line, there isn't enough reception to tell what’s playing.

“He works at...Kageyama shut up!” Talking to Hinata is giving Kei a headache, he doesn't think he’ll be able to survive if the two idiots start fighting.

“Hinata listen,” Kei raises his voice a little, to even have a chance of being heard over Hinata, Kei has to be much louder than usual, “just tell me where he works.”

“He works at the theatre! The one that shows all the live action plays!”

“Alright.” Kei hangs up just as he hears more of Hinata’s bickering.

~~~

 

Kei regrets this decision, but after having Kuroo drive him here, he was going to make this worth it.

He had dressed up, he didn't want to do this in sweats or even jeans, this had to be special. Kei doesn't know what to do with himself, he can't buy tickets to anything because they were all sold out, so he opts for waiting out in the cold by the “Staff Only” door.

“What are you doing out here?” A blonde lady come out the door, taking out a box of cigarettes. Kei jumps about ten feet in the air. She doesn't seem confrontational, or like she cares that Kei is out here.

“Does Yamaguchi Tadashi work here?” Kei turns to face the woman, who is lighting up her cigarette. She glares at him through her lashes, taking a drag.

“Yes he does,” She says after she inhales, puffing out smoke into the air “who’s asking?”

“Tsukishima Kei,” Kei stares her down, hoping indifference will intimate her. His track record on that lately has proved to be unsuccessful, figures he should probably understand that. “I’d like to speak with him.”

“Tada’s break is in 30 minutes,” the lady smiles, her entire demeanor changing, Kei is a tad scared “You’re free to wait out here though.”

~~~

 

Kei ends up waiting 45 minutes, the lying hag. Kei keeps busy by responding to emails, but is mostly kept occupied by a woeful conversation with Hinata about how to get back on the highway.

Kei hears the door open right as he’s about to tell Hinata that, no he doesn't know where they are, and even if he did he wouldn't tell them how to get back, when he spots Yamaguchi looking out the crack he’s left in the doorframe.

“Tsukki?” Kei locks eyes with Yamaguchi, Kei pockets his phone. Yamaguchi steps out into the light, his blue button up shirt and black dress pants making him look official. Kei notices his hair is kept in a low ponytail at the base of his neck.

“We need to talk.” Kei stands up to full height, his back is rigid and he feels like if the wind was blowing an harder it’d snap. He tries to have good posture, making himself look taller for the confidence it gives him, but Yamaguchi just looks confused.

“About what, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi tilts his head a little to the side, Kei thinks of those dogs on the internet Kuroo shows him, he shakes the silly idea off. It’s go time.

“We...” Kei tries so desperately to get the words out, he tries to swallow but if feels like all the moisture he possesses has gone straight to the palms of his hands, Kei chokes out a sound that sounds more like a pained sob. He takes a deep breath, calming himself, before starting again. “We’re friends, Yamaguchi.”

“Is that all you needed to-” Yamaguchi tries to interject, but now that Kei can speak-even if it sounds like his voice is going through a garbage disposal- he needs to get everything out right now.

“And I know, that I don't really act like it, but you're a friend Yamaguchi. I enjoy spending time with you, I enjoy your company and I-”

“Tsukki please-” Yamaguchi tries again to interrupt, Kei steamrolls through the last of his speech.

“I really don’t mean to be such a dick to you, Yamaguchi.” Kei feels out of breath for some reason, like he ran a marathon instead of telling Yamaguchi they were friends.

“Thank you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi smiles and walks closer to Kei, Kei holds his breath “but I already knew that.”

“What?” Is all Kei manages to say, his throat is still dry and cracked. He swallows thickly and squints his eyes until they’re almost closed. Yamaguchi looks calm and composed, like the news wasn’t as earth shattering as Kei assumed it’d be. Maybe it is a bit conceited to think Yamaguchi would care at all, if Kei thought they were friends.

“Well, yeah.” Yamaguchi shrugs his shoulders, Kei imagines his hair would shift if it was down. “I’m not stupid Tsukki, I could tell you thought we were friends.”

“Ah,” Kei is at a loss for words, in hindsight he really should have assumed that Yamaguchi would know about this. Kei feels kind of stupid.

“I have to get back to work Tsukki, I’m glad we had this chat.” Yamaguchi reaches out and pats Kei’s shoulders, leaving him speechless in the alleyway of a theatre.

~~~

 

Kei decides, as he drives in Kuroo’s car, listening to his shit music, that Yamaguchi has no right to make Kei feel stupid. He has no right to make Kei feel any way, but here he making Kei feel things, things he really doesn't want to feel.

In highschool, Kei had basically been forced into Hinata’s little friend group by Hinata himself. Hinata, Yachi, and Kei would eat lunch together, do homework together, and all the other generic high schooler activities. Hinata loved volleyball, Kei would use his height to block for him. Hinata would sometimes try and give advice, Kei would give snarky remarks. Hinata told Kei basically every detail of his day, Kei would ignore it. As regrettable as it is, Hinata was the closest thing Kei has ever had to a best friend, which is sad to admit and makes Kei want to vomit up his lunch.

Kei and Hinata were never really best friends, they never would be. Hinata had about 200 best friends and Kei wasn't even in that group of people, even after spending all of high school with him. Kei wasn't going to have a best friend either, he isn't a person that relies on human contact and affection. He relies on the look people give him when he’s pissed them off, the torn down expression of a person he’s just beat. Kei is a petty person and feeds off the negative energy of others. He doesn't need a best friend, and any best friend he did have wouldn't stick around for long.

Kei doesn't make friends easily either, he thought Yamaguchi could see that, see that he sucked at expressing any positive emotion, and that he was kind of a dick. Their entire relationship reminded Kei of a dog and his owner, Yamaguchi following him around, not caring if he was a shitty person. Only seeing the good and pure in Kei’s actions. Yamaguchi was going to get himself killed, doing that.

“You know, I can almost hear your little pity party starting.” Kuroo breaks Kei out of his thoughts, he looks from out the window to see Kuroo with his eyes trained on the road. He still has his trademark smirk.  “You know you can tell me anything that happened, I’ll try and help.”

“Nothing happened, not like you could give advice worth anything anyways.” Kei turns his head to the window again, the highway connecting the more suburban area to the city, it whizzes by at an alarming rate.

“Now now Tsukki,” Kuroo turns down the radio “Papa Kuroo will help you with any problem you have. Besides, shit advice is better than none, know what I’m sayin’?”

“No, I really don’t.” Kei hopes his comment was dismissive enough Kuroo will just leave him alone. Kei would much rather hear something that will solve his problems, or none at all. It doesn't make sense to “try your best”.

“Well, I will tell you.” Kuroo starts, Kei groans and turns around to face Kuroo. Upon seeing his change in position Kuroo’s smirk grows, Kei feels like he’s lost some sort of battle.

“Kuroo, Yamaguchi is annoying.”

“You’ve already said that, I think.” Kuroo rubs his chin in mock consideration.

“No, but he is making me...” Kei hesitates, Kuroo makes a noise to prod him on. “He’s making me feel things that I don’t want to, it’s not a good situation.”

“Well Tsukki,” Kuroo merges onto the outskirt of the city street’s, “if he’s your friend you're going to feel things. You've always had this thing where you don't really want to feel anything, that it’d be better if your feelings just didn't exist. And let me tell you, Tsukki that that is no way to live, you gotta feel things to be human. I don't know though maybe you want to be a bird or something.”

“Birds feel things.” Kei should know, he had read it while searching for that bird on the internet.

“Well then see!?” Kuroo nearly shouts, obviously getting fired up with this new miraculous point he’s just made up. “You have to feel stuff to even be alive, Tsukki.”

“You're point being?” Kei wishes the radio was back on, he’d rather his ears bleed from terrible music than have to go through this talk. He knows what Kuroo’s point is, he’d much rather not acknowledge it’s existence.

“My point is, that you definitely like Yamaguchi and that’s making you uncomfortable so you're going to self destruct as always. But Papa Kuroo is here to make sure that doesn't happen.”  Kuroo snaps his fingers a couple times, Kei assumes to emphasise a point. A point he’s not too fond of hearing.

~~~

 

Kei gets a call at ass o’clock from Hinata, which hasn't happened in a while. Kei recalls when he had praised god for freeing him of this torment, Kei supposes he counted his blessings too soon. Now he would have to sit through Hinata talking his ear off at 3 a.m.

“Tsukki, hey what's up?” Hinata says in a sing song voice, to anyone else it would just be more stupid Hinata blabbering. Kei knows better.

“Get to the point.” Kei growls, he’s too tired and too emotionally confused for this.

“C’mon Tsukki! There isn't any alternative motive for this conversation!” Hinata’s voice sounds too chipper, the way it sounds when he’s about to cry but doesn’t want anyone to know. God, Kei hopes he doesn't start crying.

“Just tell me Hinata, some people would like to sleep.” Kei rubs his hand down his face, trying hard to stay awake.

“You know, I think he's way too nice to you.” Hinata says after a belonged pause, it's probably the saddest tone Kei’s ever heard out of Hinata’s mouth.

“What?” Is all Kei can really say, he knows this. He knows Yamaguchi is way too nice for him, way too good a person for Kei to call a friend. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before Hinata will hear it out of Kei’s mouth though.

“He worries about you a lot, Tsukki. I get at least 4 screenshots of your conversation _a day_ , and Yamaguchi's always talking about you. Tsukki this and Tsukki that.” Hinata is probably doing a stupid hand gesture, the way that last part comes out in a mocking tone.

“What's wrong with that?” Kei tries to play this off as a joke, it really was meant to be one. He’s never been too good at jokes that weren't at anyone else’s expense though.

“The problem,” Hinata is most likely giving his phone a death glare, Kei can feel it from here, “is that you don't care.”

 

“I do care, me and Yamaguchi are friends. I’m just not going to do all the extra stuff Yamaguchi does.” Kei argues, flops down on his cheap mattress, the springs protest.

“You don't care as much as Yamaguchi, honestly I keep telling him to find someone that will care about him like he does.” Hinata says, it's clearly been thought over, this conversation. Kei feels extremely unprepared.

“You think that's not me?”

“That most _definitely_ is not you.” Hinata answers, Kei can't really oppose him on that.

“I guess you're correct.” Kei half shrugs, Hinata huffs.

“He'd really like for it to be you, Tsukki.” Hinata sounds almost sad, like it's him that's being rejected.

“I know, I'm not sure I can do that.”

~~~

 

Kei hadn’t bothered to ask in the delirious, groggy state he was in at 4 o'clock exactly why Hinata had had that conversation with Kei. Kei decides to ask at the library after his 12 p.m. class.

“I was just thinking about it. He was talking all like _gwahh_ and stuff, like you saying you were his _friend_ was the best thing ever. It was kind of sad really.”

Kei is taken aback by this, for some reason. Yamaguchi had acted so calm and sure about what Kei has said, was he really gushing about it?

Kei, in the aftermath of shock, feels something almost akin to giddiness, so giddy he has to hide his smile behind his hand. Kei hasn't gotten truly giddy in years, not since he was in elementary school. Yamaguchi is unearthing these feelings, and he’s not even _here_.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Tsukki?” Hinata is giving Kei a freaked out looked, Kei wasn't aware he’d been doing anything that would make him look funny.

“I wasn't making a face.” Kei says simply, he turns to get out his textbook and planner out.

“You so were!” Hinata is pointing at Kei when Kei resurfaces, Kei makes a disgusted face, on purpose this time.

“Stingyshima, if you didn't know you and Yams were friends then you’ve got a hard time ahead of you.” Hinata speaks up a little while later, Kei is startled from his work.

“What does that even mean?” Kei looks over at Hinata, who is looking dangerously serious at his coffee mug. After not saying anything for a good ten minutes, Hinata’s just now deciding to talk about it again? He was probably thinking about it, the bastard. Kei feels completely unprepared.

“It means, that if you can't even accept that feeling, how on Earth are you supposed to accept any other feelings?” Hinata does not turn away from his coffee mug, instead glaring harder at it.

“I’ve survived all these years on the power of not feeling, not everyone is like you Hinata. Feeling too much you have to scream and shout about it. I’m just not like that.” Kei continues to highlighting things at random, he doesn't really know or care if they are important.

“I know that, Tsukki. I know you're boring and don't like to make noise, but that doesn't mean you can't feel things!” Hinata raises his gaze from his mug the same time Kei raises his gaze from his book, they lock eyes and suddenly Kei is feeling exposed.

“I do feel things, I’m not a heartless monster. I just suck at expressing them.” Kei uses the opportunity of his words to look away, Hinata pokes at his arm.

“I believe in you, Tsukki!”

~~~

 

Hinata’s ever present support made Kei a bit queasy, realising that he wanted to change makes  him 10 times more uneasy.

Kei doesn’t change for anyone, that was something he had promised himself at a young age. He wouldn't be manipulated into thinking anything that wasn't his own. Now however, he found it kind of endearing, the way Yamaguchi was sparking this change in him.

Tsukishima Kei, the same one who had wanted nothing to do with anyone, wanted to become happier, more open, and expressive. All for Yamaguchi Tadashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and such are appreciated! <3


	7. The Crumbling of Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If a sure thing like Kuroo and Kenma can have such problems, there’s no telling how bad it will be for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /deep breath
> 
> ok so I don't have an excuse for the other two months I've neglected this story. really i don't. But I haven't stopped writing it or anything, just had different ideas I've been slowly working on 
> 
> anyways i hope you all still enjoy this story! and that this isn't too much of a disappointment! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

Kei now embarks on what is now called “Tsukki’s Self Recovery”, a name given by Kuroo when he explained the situation. It wasn't really a matter of whether he wanted to change for Yamaguchi, at least not anymore. No, now it was more about how exactly he’d go about this.

“You could always just ask him out.” Kuroo piped up from couch, Kenma was nowhere to be found. After him and Kuroo have a large fight like last night's, Kenma disappears for a few days, so Kuroo has opted to annoy the ever living shit out of Kei.

“I don’t like him like that.” Kei probably sounds like a grade schooler. One that actually has a crush and is shit at hiding it, this isn't the case for himself.

“Love is a fickle thing, my dear Tsukki.” Kuroo drinks more of his beer, how many is that?

“You should really stop drinking, Kenma will be back.” Kei pats himself on the back for being able to say something helpful for once.

“Of course Kenma will be back, that’s not the issue.” Kuroo glares over his shoulder as best he can, he turns back around after Kei doesn't respond.

“So then...what’s wrong?” The words come out strangled and awkward, where is the comfort from earlier?

“Me and Kenma have been friends for ages, yah know?” Kuroo nods his head like he just made a really good point.

“What does that have to do with-” Kei tries to ask, but Kuroo isn't done.

“And I feel this deep rooted attachment with Kenma, like all the time. I love him so so much, on so many levels, it physically hurts sometimes.” Kuroo takes another long swig of his beer, looking at the wall like it just broke up with him.

“That doesn't sound bad, in fact it sounds like a good problem to have.” Kei walks over from the kitchen to sit beside Kuroo on the couch, Kuroo doesn't move from smack dab in the middle.

“It’s the absolute best problem to have, but it still hurts yah know? Getting so attached to someone in so many different ways, it can be draining. I love Kenma, so so much Tsukki.” Kuroo puts his head on Kei’s shoulder, since he sounds like he might cry Kei allows it.

Kei has lived with the two of them for over a year, and has only seen a blowout like last night’s once. Kei wasn't there for this particular one, he had been at the library longer than usual. Kei thinks that if Kuroo and Kenma, two people that seem inseparable because they are, can get in a fight like that, there is absolutely no saving him. He gets in fights and squabbles with more people on a weekly basis then he’d like to count, and he can't just change for a significant other on the drop of a hat.

If a sure thing like Kuroo and Kenma can have such problems, there’s no telling how bad it will be for him.

~~~

Kei decides the best course of action is maybe to not ask someone moping about an argument with a significant other, and to ask someone who seems to think the sun shines out of their partner's ass.

Bokuto Kotarou is probably the happiest when Akaashi was around, his highs are higher, his lows are shorter. Bokuto seems to think Akaashi is the absolute greatest person on Earth as well, always exclaiming how great he is to anyone that would listen. Akaashi never really returns the favor, but Kei knows someone like him wouldn’t let it happen if it didn’t make him happy.

Kei invites Bokuto over with the excuse that Kuroo is sad, and he needs Bokuto to cheer him up. Bokuto has always wanted to help someone.

“Hey hey hey! I heard my best bud was feeling down!”

“Go away, Bokuto.”

Kei has never said he was any good at it, but Bokuto really isn't there for Kuroo anyways.

“Bokuto, may I ask you something?” Kei laces his hands together in front of him, a habit he formed as a child that he’s never let go of. Bokuto’s eyebrows raise to his hairline.

“S-sure! What do you need?” Bokuto allows himself to be lead into the kitchen, even if Kuroo could probably hear them fine either way.

“What do you need, Tsukki? I know you don't ask for help a lot but I’m glad you did, and to be honest I-”

“Bokuto, please stop.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Bokuto tries to lean on the counter, but then winces at how sharp the edge is.

“Bokuto, I don't really want to be asking you this, but how do you stay happy with Akaashi all the time?” Kei’s gaze goes from Bokuto’s face to the floor, his earlier confidence gone. He looks up to Bokuto giving that face he gives, the one that Bokuto thinks makes him look cool. It’s too serious for his face, and that scares Kei.

“You think I’m happy with Akaashi all the time? I’m not.” Bokuto shrugs and goes back to his normal face.

“But...” Kei doesn't know how to respond to that really, he flounders in front of _Bokuto_. How pathetic.

“Tsukki, there’s gonna be a time when you date anyone, that it's gonna hurt. Me and Akaashi fight like all the time. Not more than a normal couple, but we still fight. Our thing is, that it gets resolved. We don't bottle up emotions or let them get so big they consume us. If one of us is upset by the other, we give it time and then we talk about it. Akaashi is way better at it then I am though.”

Kei looks as Bokuto literally pats himself on the back, like he just gave his acceptance speech to the Nobel Peace Prize. Kei rolls his eyes.

“That was...uncharacteristically well spoken, Bokuto.”  Kuroo calls from his position on the couch, Bokuto perks up.

“Yeah? I’m pretty cool aren't I?” Bokuto grabs a beer out of the fridge and runs to jump on top of Kuroo. Kuroo gives a loud “umpf”, Bokuto laughs very loudly.

~~~

Kei is up doing a paper, when he hears the door open.

“Kei?” Kenma looks kind of surprised to see him up so late, Kei gives him a little salute and goes back to working.

“Is Kuro asleep?” Kenma takes off his shoes, placing them by the rack.

“It’s 3 in the morning, who isn't?” Kei casts his laptop aside, and tugs at his fingers. Kenma doesn't look at him.

“I’m just here to get some more clothes.” Kenma shuffles awkwardly from foot to foot, bouncing nervously. Getting a better look at Kenma, he looks terrible. There are bags under his eyes, and his eyes are red and swollen, as if he was just crying. Kenma is in pajama pants and what is obviously Kuroo’s shirt.

“Yeah, might want to change out of your boyfriend's shirt when you’re mad at him.” Kei reaches for his laptop again, before Kenma’s words stop him.

“Ex.”

“Huh?” Kei’s head whips around, and he stares open mouthed at Kenma, he’s not looking back.

“I’m ah...I’m breaking up with Kuro. Next time I see him.”

Kei is taken aback by this statement, the purest feeling of shock washes over him like an avalanche. Kenma and Kuroo are inseparable, to Kei at least. Obviously they do not think this, but at this point they’re like a more level headed version of the volleyball idiots. Kei, somewhere in his dark heart, really respects the two of them.

“Do you not like him anymore?” Kei turns to Kenma, Kenma shies away, not only averting hi eyes but also turning his head.

“I...I like him too much. I love him.” Kenma manages to get out, it's muffled in the fabric of Kuroo’s shirt. Kei stares blankly.

“So...what's the problem?” Keis voice come out a bit too loud at the end, he didn't mean to raise his voice, but this is all sounding a little ridiculous.

“I don't...know how to show it.” Kenma fiddled with his pants leg, twisting and untwisting it with his slender fingers. “He's so good to me, it's almost unhealthy how little attention I give him. He's always looking after me and I feel childish. Like we're still 11 and he needs to take care of me.”

“Look, Kenma you don't talk to me that much, yeah?” Kenma nods his head, eyes still glued to the floor. “I don't know you well, at all. But that doesn't mean I don't know Kuroo, even if you two are so disgustingly close that you seem like the same entity.”

Kenma gives a pitiful sniffle, and Kei can kind of make out the tears streaming down his face. Kei clears his throat, steels himself, and continues to speak. “I know that he wouldn't do those things if he didn't love you, if he didn't want to do those things with all of his weak, sadistic, crumpled up heart.”

Kenma’s body is shaking from the force of his tears, it's the only time Kei has ever seen him cry. To Kenma it must be hard putting in so much effort for someone, after training yourself to not care about anything. The amount of love Kenma has for Kuroo must be on equal playing ground with the amount Kuroo possess for Kenma, Kenma just doesn't know what to do with that amount of feeling.

Kei gets up, and opens the door to Kuroo and Kenma’s room. He sees Kuroo on their bed, his head in his hands, more then likely also crying his eyes out. Kei grabs a random bag, and some random clothes from their closet, and gives that to Kenma.

~~~

The next morning, when Kei wakes up, Kuroo is sitting on the couch, solemnly drinking his coffee.

“Thank you.” Is the first thing Kuroo says, he doesn't look at Kei.

“You could at least tell _me_ thank you, not your coffee.” Kei smirks, Kuroo turns around on the sofa, and repeats the words directly to Kei’s face.

“Why are you telling me that anyways?” Kei takes a sports drink out of the fridge and sits on the single chair. Kuroo looks back down at his coffee.

“I heard,” Kuroo clears his throat, something he does when he’s trying not to cry. “everything.  That you told Kenma. It was all true, and I wanted to thank you for your honesty, and for helping out.”

“You know helping people isn't really my forte, but I tried.” Kei shrugs and takes a massive chug of his drink. Kuroo shrugs back and turns on the television.

~~~

Kei assumes that if he wants to grow and change, he must first find out how the most stubborn idiot of all time learned to change for someone.

Kei _really_ doesn't want to be here, with this guy, in this place. Circumstances dictate that he kind of has to be here tough, for learning.

Kageyama Tobio has never been a person that Kei particularly liked. Not when Hinata pointed to him saying “you see that guy? I hate him”. Not when Hinata pointed at him saying “see that idiot? He plays volleyball with me”. He actually kind of hated him more when Hinata took Kageyama’s hand and raised it up yelling “this guy right here? He's my boyfriend”. Now however, he has to play nice, it's of vital importance he gets Kageyama’s advice.

“Are we going to do chemistry? Or did you call me here to twiddle your thumbs at me?” Kageyama asks, not in his usual snap or growl he usually uses with questions. This is a good start.

Kei tears his hands apart, adjusts his glasses, “I didn't know you were so intent on actually passing. You make it seem like you're determined to fail.”

“Hey you ass, are you gonna help me or not?” Kageyama tries to twirl his pencil around, it falls before even making a full rotation. Kageyama curses and moves to pick it up off the library floor.

“How uhm...how about you help me?” Kei doesn't look at Kageyama, doesn't really know what to do with his hands either. They both find each other again.

“What the hell could you need my help for?” Kageyama reemerges from the floor, pencil in hand. He begins to bite the eraser, which bothers Kei to no end.

“How did you ah,” Kei plays a little more with his fingers “how did you invoke self change to better yourself for Hinata?”

“Let's get this straight, I didn't change so I could date Hinata, I changed so I would feel better.” Kageyama’s response is calculated and spat out very hard, like he's had to give that answer many times. Kei’s eye begins to twitch from how recklessly serious Kageyama gets.

“But Hinata was a big part of it, right?” Kei twirls his hands around a little more, before setting them on the table.

“Well yeah, but if Hinata hadn't come around I probably would've changed eventually anyways. He was just like, a kickstart. Maybe.” Kageyama continues to look very bored and grumpy. Which isn't unusual, but is still a bit different from his usual brand of bored and grumpy.

“So how did you do it?” Kei props his head up on his hands, a tactic his brother taught him to look people in the eye more. He ends up just looking down.

“Huh? Well I kinda let Hinata show me, yah know?” Kageyama looked at Kei like he had given all the answers, once Kei was certain Kageyama was not going to say anything more he spoke.

“No, no I really don't.” Kei says dumbly, Kageyama rolls his eyes.

“Well basically I let myself be taught by him. Like I train with him in volleyball and he trains me in being acceptable in social situations.” Kageyama tries to twirl the pencil around, catches it this time when it falls.

“So absolutely none of that is self taught?” Kei feels like he's making a surprised face, even if Hinata has always said he doesn't look different when he feels this way.

“Not really? Like Hinata may be dumb, but he's a pretty good conversationalist, so I put away my pride and listen to someone who knows more about me, even if he's shit at volleyball.” Kageyama always finds some way to make everything about volleyball, which both annoys and amuses Kei.

“You can put away your pride? Isn't that a bit too big for anything to hold?”

“Shut up, you ass.”

~~~

Kei reflects on the advice he's been given in the last couple of days, but fails to realize that he may have been ignoring Yamaguchi in that amount of time.

To be fair it's only been a week, but so much has happened in that week that it seems a little unfair to leave Yamaguchi hanging.

To: Yamaguchi

Subject: I am Sorry

_Yamaguchi, there's something I'd like to tell you. Could we maybe meet for coffee?_

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: I am Sorry

_Tsukkiiiiii!!!! This better not be another confession of something I already know about_

From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: I am Sorry

_Btw I would love to :)_

~~~

 

Kei was nervous, this wasn't the first time he's ever invited Yamaguchi to do something, but he's not exactly sure where to start. Should he apologize out loud? His subject line said that already, strategically placed so he'd be able to get out of saying it.

He waited outside a coffee shop by Yamaguchi’s work, picking at his hands and a scab that had somehow formed between his fingers. Kei was still planning the correct form of attack for his conversation, when Yamaguchi’s voice rang in the air.

“Tsukki! There you are!” Yamaguchi came around the corner, he was dressed casually in jeans and a shirt but Kei still somehow felt unprepared. The casualness of Yamaguchi should calm him, but it was doing the exact opposite.

“Hello, Yamaguchi.” He felt that his voice was strangled and awkward, but if Yamaguchi sensed it he did not let it show. Instead he grabbed Kei’s hand with both of his and tugged, pulling him over to a spot where he must have been sitting.

“Did I make you wait?” Kei tried to go through the formalities of conversation first, to give his brain time to make a plan. Yamaguchi giggles and closes his laptop.

“Not really, even if it was long that's just more time to work on my final paper.” Yamaguchi laces his fingers together and rests his chin on them, fondly smiling at Kei. Kei gulps.

“I wanted to-”

“Tsukki I needed to-”

Kei barely hears Yamaguchi’s statement over his own, especially coupled with his frantically beating heart. Yamaguchi seems startled by this just as much as Kei, motions for Kei to continue.

Kei clears his throat and begins again. “Yamaguchi I wanted to say that my life over the last week has been hectic, which is why I have not been responsive.” Kei does not look at Yamaguchi, rather his hands that are still fiddling with each other on the wire table.

Yamaguchi does not speak for several seconds, Kei looks up to see him staring like Kei just asked him to marry him. Even if Kei thinks that he definitely wouldn't propose at a coffeehouse. Yamaguchi would deserve at least more than that, especially if he's in a position to be married to _Kei._ Kei catches himself on that thought quickly, before that gets dangerous.

Yamaguchi clears his throat, adjusts his bun, and basically does everything in his power to not look directly at Kei. Kei tugs his left index finger very hard, to turn his unexpected emotional pain into a physical kind.

“That's uh, very nice of you to say, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi finally says, Kei looks up to see Yamaguchi looking down, his face is flushed a very deep shade of scarlet.

“Yeah, I uh...just thought you should know.” Kei decides on, Yamaguchi looks up and meets eyes with Kei. He looks absolutely elated, Kei fights back the urge to smile.

Yamaguchi laughs, nice and airy. “I expected as much anyways, there isn't a reason for you to just drop off the face of the Earth, right?”

Kei chuckles, “No, I suppose not.”

“So, what kept you so busy?” Yamaguchi takes a sip of his coffee-which knowing Yamaguchi is probably 90 percent milk-and looks at Kei expectantly.

“My roommates were, ah...having some issues.” Kei says kind of awkwardly, Yamaguchi's eyes look like they're gonna bulge out.

“Kuroo and Kenma? Really?” Yamaguchi sounds baffled, as most people probably would.

Kei explains the drama in further detail, Yamaguchi hangs onto his every word. When it comes to the resolution that everyone and everything was back to normal a couple days after his and Kenma’s conversation, Yamaguchi looked almost relieved.

Kei's never understood how someone could attach themselves to people so easily, get involved with their drama and personal life so fast. Which is why he's never really gotten Hinata and his freaky fast way of making friends. Regardless, Yamaguchi seemed to deem it an acceptable reason.

Conversation hit a nulling point, Yamaguchi didn't seem to mind Kei having nothing to talk about, instead jumping into stories about what him and his family have been doing the past week.

Once Yamaguchi seems to run out of things to talk about, it's already been a couple of hours . Yamaguchi yawns and stretches, Kei stares at the way his mouth makes a small “o” while doing this.

“Would you like to come to my apartment?” Kei blurts out before he can stop himself, Yamaguchi cuts his yawn short, blinking at Kei a couple of times before putting his arms down on the table.

“I mean, if you want?” Yamaguchi obviously wasn't expecting such a question, but Kei is just relieved that he got any answer at all.

~~~

The drive to his apartment takes a while, it had taken a while when Kuroo had dropped him off earlier. It seems to take even longer with Kei trying to muscle memory his way back home.

“Left.”

“Right here?”

“Just missed it.”

Yamaguchi huffs, causing Kei to chuckle. This gets him a well deserved glare thrown his way.

“Why don't you just take out your phone and get directions. That wasn't even the right turn .”

“It wasn't a right turn, it was a left. Also if you know the way to my apartment so well, why don't you drive there without my navigation?”

“I might as well have no navigation with the way you navigate.” Yamaguchi pouts a little, Kei laughs.

It takes about 45 minutes instead of 20 to get to Kei's apartment, but Kei doesn't mind. The car ride had been fun, Yamaguchi with road rage was a Yamaguchi that Kei admittedly liked.

There seemed to be a lot about Yamaguchi that Kei liked.

Taking that thought out of his head, Kei unlocked his apartment door to find his apartment empty. He breathed a sigh of relief, before stepping by to allow Yamaguchi entrance into the apartment.

“I feel like it's been so long since I've been here!” Yamaguchi takes off his shoes and places them beside Kei's larger ones.

Kei stares at the difference in shoes size for a long time, barely registering that Yamaguchi says he'll make himself tea. The domestic sight of seeing Yamaguchi's noticeably smaller shoes against his sparks something in him. Kei decides in that very moment, staring at shoes on a shoe rack, that he must tell Yamaguchi a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 Kudos and such are appreciated <3


	8. Thank you for being the stars to my moon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day he found Yamaguchi in his room and blew him off almost feels like a distant memory. Like a dream, warm and fuzzy around the ends. A burning photograph of a person he no longer was and never wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The last chapter :D 
> 
> Thank you to all (over 160!!!) who left a kudo on my humble work :D I've worked long and hard on this for what feels like forever, and even though i took quite the break in the middle of that time, it's still great to know there were people that enjoyed my little story enough to see it till the end :) 
> 
> I have to say this chapter is a conclusion + basically the epilogue so bear with me! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the last chapter and are satisfied enough with it to enjoy it :D I had so much fun writing this and i hope you all had as much fun reading it!

Kei has always been a pretty secretive person. Maybe not secretive really, more like reserved. He just didn't like everyone knowing his business. 

When Yamaguchi comes back in the main living room with tea, Kei is still staring at their shoes. There isn't much of a difference really, Kei's feet are just abnormally long. Yamaguchi is still a pretty big guy, Kei just so happens to be taller. For some reason though, these shoes spark something in Kei. A realization that doesn't feel much like a realization.

Maybe it's something he's known all along, he just kept it locked up like basically every emotion humans tend to feel. Kei has always been good at keeping his secret emotions a secret. Like trust and compassion and love, but he feels like this particular secret emotion will be hard to deal with past today. There will be tells and Yamaguchi will figure it out.

It's like ripping off a band-aid, Kei chants to himself.

Kei's, admittedly, has never done this. He decides to learn from other’s mistakes. What was off putting to he got this treatment from others? (Besides the people themselves, obviously.) 

Kei decides to start casual, if he makes it dramatic from the start, he might scare him off. So he walks over to the couch on shaky legs, watches Yamaguchi eye him as he sips his tea.

“What's the matter, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi sets his mug on a coaster, puts his hands beside him. 

“I have something...to tell you.” Kei plays his hands some more, pulling his index finger enough to make it pop. “And it may affect the status of our relationship.”

Yamaguchi just stares, mouth wide like a fish. His eyes are kind of glossy like one too.

“Can I uh...” Kei clears his throat, shuffling a little closer to Yamaguchi on the couch. “Can I write it?”

“Uh..sure Tsukki?” His answer comes out more of a question, he takes his hands from beside him to in his own lap. Kei feels himself frown.

Taking a pen from Kenma’s art mug and the sketchbook Kenma uses (Kei hopes and prays Kenma won't get upset with him using this), Kei begins to write his note with shaky hands. 

It shouldn't be this hard, Kei knows, to write his feelings on this sketchbook. It's not like his feelings will be rejected, Yamaguchi will more than likely be ecstatic. But something inside of Kei still feels nervous about writing this extremely sappy note to Yamaguchi, like he's a grade school kid with a crush.

Kei finishes the note, takes a deep breath, and closed the lid on the pen. Yamaguchi is shaking, wearing that face that he wore the first time they met formally. Kei rips out the note, folds it in half, and slides it over the coffee table to sit in front of Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi picks it up like it holds his fate, and unfolds the note so slowly Kei is starting to get nervous. Yamaguchi closes his eyes, takes a big intake of air, and looks at it with determination.

~~~

Dear Yamaguchi,

_ This may come out very awkwardly, but I really like you. I have been rude and disrespectful towards you, but I really do like you. (Romantically) Please consider accepting my feelings. _

-Kei 

~~~

Kei can almost pinpoint the exact second Yamaguchi realizes what's written on the paper, he looks up from the paper, meets Kei's eyes, and quickly looks back down. He's frantic and panicked, Kei can tell. It probably was sudden, the entire note. Kei feels a little taken aback from it as well, and he's the author of this note.

“Please tell me you're not joking.” It's almost a whisper, like a prayer he's sending to the paper. “Tsukki..” Kei quickly realizes Yamaguchi might think that it's so sudden, it might not be possible, or maybe even a joke.

“I'm not joking, I just...I didn't want to say it out loud.” Kei looks all the way to the window behind him to see the far window, making the whole front of his body almost invisible to Yamaguchi. He hears him snicker.

“Ok, Tsukki. I'll accept your feelings.” Kei feels his head whip around on it's own accord, so fast he feels a muscle spasm. He ignores it. “On one condition.”

“Conditions? This isn't  _ Let's Make A Deal _ , Yamaguchi.” Kei smirks and Yamaguchi points at him, jabbing a finger in his chest.

“I want you to say you like me, out loud. And I want to record it on my phone.” Yamaguchi smiles triumphantly, taking his finger off Kei's chest and pulling back. His chest is puffed and he's doing a classic “victory” stance.

“That's ludicrous. You have the note what other physical proof do you need?” Kei scoffs and Yamaguchi huffs.

“I guess I could rip up the note...” This wouldn't get to Kei had Yamaguchi not said it in the saddest voice Kei thinks he's ever heard. He swallows his pride and agrees.

“Yay! I knew you'd come around Tsukki.” Yamaguchi pulls his phone out and gets out the recording app, Kei gets ready to record an intimate thought.

“Ok I'll count to three and you'll say it, got it Tsukki?” Yamaguchi, gives a thumbs up, Kei gives a half hearted one in return.

And thus, on Yamaguchi's count and command Kei confesses to someone with words for the first time in his life.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi, I like you. Pl-please accept my feelings.” He grits out, Kei really doesn't want to stutter, he does anyways. Yamaguchi clicks off the recorder, and shoots Kei a grin that will probably be ingrained in his eyelids for all eternity. Kei feels more than ok with that.

“That was great, Tsukki. You should be one of those voice actors for yaoi.” Yamaguchi jokes, Kei feels his face heat up.

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

~~~

Something Kei had not accounted for when he confessed to Yamaguchi was that they'd have to negotiate the terms and conditions. The fine print of his confession.

Confessing didn't automatically mean they were dating, at least not to Kei. Yamaguchi wasn't acting any different either, (although Kei was receiving a text for almost every breath Yamaguchi took, which wasn't a  _ problem _ per say. Just not something he could really reciprocate.) so Kei assumed he was in the clear. He was going to have time to think and cultivate the proper way to ask Yamaguchi.

Kenma eventually came back from his mom’s house, and things lapsed into a realm of normalcy.  Kuroo made food for three instead of moping around and making Kei live off burnt toast and cup noodles. Kenma went back to doing...whatever it is Kenma does. If Kei’s honest Kenma’s presence isn't something he notices, he’s like a house cat at times.

As the three men sit around the small breakfast bar, eating waffles and talking about random news articles and what the Saturday will bring, Kuroo asks if Kei’s boyfriend will be coming over.

“I told you, he's not my boyfriend.” Kei dismisses Kuroo’s claims. Sipping his morning tea he finds this dismissal becomes less of a snap everyday. He hopes he never wished for Yamaguchi to be his boyfriend, that would mean he wanted it and hadn't asked. He's trying to be better about that.

“Really? Because I found your little note.”  Kenma gives a little smile as he sips his tea, obviously pleased with himself. Kuroo laughs and looks at Kenma, the light back in his eyes. Kei feels a tad like that sometimes, he feels like he gets closer to understanding this feeling everyday.

~~~

To: Yamaguchi

Subject: [No Subject Line]

_ You better pick this shit up. \ _   
  


From: Yamaguchi

Subject: you didnt do a subject line :(

_ I dont know that you mean by that Tsukki? Half of your closet is at my house. _   
  


To: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: you didnt do a subject line :(

_ I know that, and I regret letting you have any of my clothes everyday. Anyways I mean my letter _   
  


From: Yamaguchi

Subject:Re: you didnt do a subject line :(

_ You're totally not a confession confession? I have nowhere to put it :( if only had a skinny, tall, glasses wearing boy to help me buy a corkboard :(((( _   
  


To: Yamaguchi 

Subject:Re: you didnt do a subject line :(

_ Oh my fucking god  _

~~~

Kei really didn't like shopping, it wasn't anything that interested him. In the world of technology and home delivery, what was the point in going out anywhere to buy literally anything. Yamaguchi had told him that mindset was going to make him a shut-in, and that it was that kind of attitude that was destroying “the integrity of the physical shopping experience”. So here he was, sitting in an office supply store trying to shoot rubber bands into Yamaguchi’s hood.

“Tsukki, if you could pretty please stop trying to shoot rubber bands at me in a public place I would much appreciate it.”

“This is the integrity of the physical shopping experience though, Yamaguchi.” Kei articulates his point by shooting one at Yamaguchi’s ass, Yamaguchi gives him a death glare.

“You’re going to get kicked out for making a mess, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi scolds, looking at some gold markers. He has his cork board/white board combination, he now insists they get nice things to decorate it with.

“Yamaguchi, can you throw me that sharpie?” Kei points to the sharpie package beside the markers he’s looking at.

“Sure Tsukki, why-” Yamaguchi tosses them over, his sentence stops short when Kei side steps the sharpie package and lets it land on the floor. 

“You’re now an accomplice.” Kei shoots a rubber band that lightly bounces off the side of Yamaguchi's head and into his hood.

~~~

They do not end up getting kicked out, but they are glared at very heavily when the teenager working there saw the aftermath of thier rubber band war. Yamaguchi had found it very amusing when the same teenager rang them up and told them “You know they don’t clean themselves up right?”

Now Kei finds himself in a position that hasn't happened to him in quite a while; in Yamaguchi’s presence while he is not speaking.

Kei continues to walk, his hands laced with Yamaguchi’s as they walk by a TJ Maxx. Yamaguchi stops right in front of the door, so close that the door opens for him, and tugs at Kei’s arm.

“Tsukki, you like me right?”

“That is what my letter said, yes.” Kei turns around, his face feels neutral, he doesn't know if that will make Yamaguchi nervous.

“So we’re dating right?” Yamaguchi looks at the ground, the door closes from inactivity.

“If you want to.” It’s far from the ideal way to agree with Yamaguchi to be official, but Kei is more focused on trying to move Yamaguchi out for the center of the door. Kei sees a middle aged women approach them.

“Alright,” Yamaguchi begins to walk as the middle aged women is in earshot, scampering off with Kei. “but that’s like a definite right?”

“Yes, Yamaguchi. I’m very sure of how much I like you.” Kei rolls his eyes, Yamaguchi stops in front of a bench.

“How much?” 

“I’m not sure how to articulate that.” Kei raises an eyebrow, Yamaguchi looks determined to explain whatever it is he needs to.

“With your arms.” Yamaguchi lets go of Kei’s hands, and hold his arms out all the way, to demonstrate.

“So that’s how much you like me?” Kei says with a teasing tone, Yamaguchi’s cheeks fill with air.

“As much as my arms can reach.” 

Kei sticks his arms all the way out, “oh, would you look at that. It seems I like you more.”

Yamaguchi gives a undignified squawk, “but Tsukki! That’s not fair!” 

“That’s the rules Yamaguchi.” Kei says with an indifferent shrug of his shoulders, which must look ridiculous with his arms all the way out. 

Yamaguchi runs up and tosses himself into Kei’s chest, taking most of the air out of it. Kei grabs Yamaguchi’s puffy coat by reflex, locked in an embrace with him in the middle of the sidewalk. 

They don't let go for a while.

~~~

It’s been two weeks and Kei knows the fact they haven't kissed gets on Yamaguchi’s nerves.

If you’d like to be technical, they have theoretically kissed, but Kei was smashed and in all likelihood Yamaguchi was too. It hardly counts.

The carefully devised plan is to take place around Christmas, which happens to be in about a week. Kei begins the execution of his plan on an unsuspecting Saturday.

Inviting Yamaguchi over,  _ check _ . Making sure the ingredients are in place,  _ check _ . Making sure Kuroo doesn't fuck this up, Kei side eyes Kuroo and Kenma’s bedroom where he is supposedly sleeping,  _ maybe check _ .

The knock on the door frightens Kei out of his mental checklist, he was just getting to “make sure a fire does not ruin this”, and he snatches the plant off the coffee table before robotically walking to the door.

“Tsukki, hello.” Yamaguchi takes his shoes off, before trying to walk past Kei and being stopped.

“I uh...” Kei averts his eyes, his collar feels too stiff around his throat “wanted to show you something”

“Oh, what is it?” Yamaguchi tries to look around Kei, probably looking for something unusual. After Yamaguchi finds nothing suspicious, he looks back at Kei.

“Just...ah,” Kei decides action will yield the best results, before holding the mistletoe over his head.

“Tsukki...” Yamaguchi looks up at the plant with weird, glassy eyes. Kei feels entirely too embarrassed, but there’s no way can't take this back.

“Uh...” His mouth supplies, usual quick witted nature leaving when he most needs it.

“That’s so lame.” Yamaguchi barely holds back his snickers, Kei huffs before dipping in to plant a kiss on Yamaguchi’s lips.

It’s quick, it’s meek, and it’s so light Kei can’t really consider it a true first kiss. But suddenly Yamaguchi’s hands find Kei’s shoulders, leaning in until they were breathing on each other's lips. Kei feels the shivers on his spine before he feels the pressure on his lips from Yamaguchi's revised kiss.

Yamaguchi is smiling into it, his hands clasped behind Kei's neck, obviously enjoying it. Kei presses a bit harder, tugging harder at Yamaguchi's sweater, he recognizes it as the one he straight up stole from Kei a couple days ago, he frowns a little bit. Yamaguchi laughs.

“Are you seriously cranky because this is yours?” Yamaguchi knocks his forehead with Kei’s, still laughing. Suddenly it’s not only Yamaguchi’s laughter that fills the room, the loud donkey cackle of Rooster Head breaks the silence, and by extension, the moment. 

“Kuroo, put the camera down.” Kei says with more exhaustion than anything, Kuroo howls more.

“This is priceless.” Kuroo wipes at tears of mirth, the shaking phone still pointed at Kei.

“You will have no eyebrows, and no phone, if that isn't deleted in two seconds.” Kei threatens, before the video is cut off. Kuroo is still shaking with laughter, even in the face of Kei’s glare.

“Can I have that?” Yamaguchi says, running up to watch the video of their first kiss. Yamaguchi tells Kei they looks cute, and Kei can't really argue anymore.

~~~   
  


Kei finds himself mulling over the incidents that have happened over the last few months. The day he found Yamaguchi in his room and blew him off almost feels like a distant memory. Like a dream, warm and fuzzy around the ends. A burning photograph of a person he no longer was and never wants to be.

Kageyama (the bastard) was (for once) right about something, people don’t change you, and you shouldn't change for people. You should change because it will better your life, and make you feel better by result.

Bokuto (the idiot) was (for maybe the third time) right about something, feelings shouldn't be bottled away, they should be dealt with, face first. Your partner would appreciate it, he had said, and Kei thinks he has a long way to go on that. He’s trying.

Kei wonders a lot why Yamaguchi never gave up on him, why he stayed and persisted. Through tears and terrible words snapped as his face, he stayed. A persistent pillar in his life, that bugged and annoyed him by standing firm in his actions. Yamaguchi Tadashi was a constant force to be reckoned with, always pushing and pulling. Kei didn't realize for a long time he had been doing the same.

Kei meets Yamaguchi’s ginormous family more, is introduced as “Tsukki, my boyfriend”, and all of Yamaguchi’s family welcomes him with opens arms. He tries again with the idea of getting along with family, including trying to call his brother and having conversations with him. Yamaguchi is eventually introduced, Kei’s mother and brother both call him “Tadashi” soon after. Tadashi asks him to do the same that night.

Kei get’s into his engineering program, even if he was trying to get into a less popular major, Tadashi throws a party for him. There is cake and streamers and loud cheering, all the overzealous things Kei would usually hate about parties, especially when directed at him. When he enters his apartment the night of however, everyone surprises him and Hinata makes him wear a party hat, he feels warm inside. The type of warness he would have bottled away several months ago. When he looks back on the memory, even the next morning, he feels himself warm again. The edges of the memory are golden and the scene itself is given a radiant hue.

It’s nearing the beginning of the next school year, when Kei suggests they move in together, they’re watching Ponyo and Tadashi had just gotten his class assignment for his transfer to Kei’s school. He says he knows it’s very soon, and that they haven't even been dating for a year, but yah know the rent will be cheaper and he doesn't want him to be rooming with a creep. It takes the amount of time for Tadashi to get over his shock to throw himself at Kei on the couch, a chorus of “yes! Are you kidding?! I’d love to!”. Kei tries to act like this isn't a big deal, but Tadashi is persistent that it’s “a huge deal”.

It is nearing Kei’s birthday when the last box to thier apartment is unpacked. It has all of Tadashi’s old notebooks from community college, and Kei thumbs through his introductory algebra notes finding the doodles and passed notes funny. He stops on a page close to the end of the book, with something that looks distinctly like a letter taking up the page in Tadashi’s loopy handwriting.

      Dear Golden Boy,

_ I don’t know if I can ever give this to you. I find it hard to articulate my feelings into words on paper, I’m more of a ‘feel it and say it’ type person now. Hinata says you’re mean and scary, but I’m 99% sure it’s some sort of act. How can anyone be mean and scary when they have such pretty eyes? Such nice cheekbones? Such fluffy hair? _

_ I know I must sound superficial, like all I care about is your looks. You must get that a lot. But actually I’ve heard more about you, you answer Hinata’s phone calls at odd hours, and you try and help Kageyama with chemistry, and you have a smart tongue. _

_ I guess I’ll always admire you from afar? Maybe I’ll bulk up the nerve to talk to you, or maybe give you this letter. Or maybe this will always be a one-sided affair, where I ask Hinata everyday about you. Until you’re like married or something.  _

_ It would be beyond incredible if gangly, freckle faced, awkward me could come up to you. Ha! Maybe one day. _

     Tadashi 

Kei finds himself feeling an overwhelming amount of emotion in the undelivered letter. Like he could read it everyday and feel this emotion. He rips it carefully out of the old notebook, and pins it on the corkboard in their bedroom.

~~~

In two years, Kei will muster up all his courage to give Tadashi his letter at thier college graduation, taking up a page in his own straightforward handwriting.

     Dear Everything I Could Ever Want,

_ I’m also not very good at articulating my emotions. I’d like to think I’ve gotten better over the last couple of years with you by my side. I’m not a person that has enough courage to say my true feelings, covering up them up with dry humor and sarcasm. _

_ Your ability to try harder and harder when faced with tough situations is encouraging, noble even. I love you, Tadashi. _

_ I am not a good person, I am a salty individual who will never have the talent or natural drive to achieve greatness on my own. You, Tadashi, help me achieve greatness everyday.  _

_ Thank you for being the stars to my moon. _

     Tsukki 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> As always kudos and such are appreciated! <3 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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